Normally, I’m a fairly organized person. I’m one of these people who loves to have a “master plan,” and will go to great lengths to make that plan. I love lists. I even have lists nested within lists. The goofy thing is that usually I don’t even need those lists. I remember everything without them. I make the lists, however, as I can only relax when I know that I won’t forget something. It’s stupid but it’s been my system for years. And hey….it works.
Now that I’m 8 months pregnant, not only am I rotund (and hot), but I’m also apparently intermittently stupid and forgetful. The terrifying thing is that it’s only getting worse. During conversations, I forget my train of thought halfway through, or completely blank out on a word which then cascades in my brain and causes me to forget more as half of my brain searches frantically for the word while the other half chews itself out for being a drooling moron. I’ll try to have the usual “how was your day” discussion with my husband, and I can see him gritting his teeth as it takes me 3 times as long to tell him something inconsequential. It’s gotten to where when it’s bad, I just don’t tell him how my day was. I just say “fine.” I’ve yet to forget “fine.”
Today at work, I had to return a call from an ordinary citizen about a rather technical letter I had drafted a couple of weeks ago. The lady was very nice, but I think I may have confused her even more. I finally just tried to steer her to her consultant, who should have been the one discussing this with her in the first place. Given that the consultant is a male, I’m sure his brain doesn’t currently have the consistency of pudding.
I’m lucky, in that my boss is about the most understanding creature on the face of the planet, so some of the things that I’m just struggling with now, he tells me to put off for a bit. He does seem to understand that much of this is out of my control (and atypical from me) and temporary. It had better be temporary. I have things I really need to do.
So all in all, it’s a very odd and frustrating sensation. I feel as if I’ve had a lobotomy, but a badly-executed one. It’s always been my understanding that once lobotomized, you are no longer aware of the fact that you have a flaw within your brain or a problem with your behavior. Ignorance is bliss. I am very much aware that I’m not “acting right.” I think I should go find the Wizard of Oz (or anywhere) to find a new noggin.