I’ve written plenty about milk. The squirting boobs, the different kinds of milk vomit (thick and ropey vs. curds and whey), the wet t-shirts. I have neglected one aspect of it, however. The décor potential!
We have this ceramic tile in our kitchen and baths. I suppose it’s supposed to be some kind of faux slate, which as a geologist, offends me deeply. As I was relieving my bladder the other day while brushing my teeth (yay for multitasking!!), I noticed all kinds of white dots all over the place. I guess I thought at first it was either toothpaste or some kind of soap residue from Will (have you ever noticed how men can get toothpaste absolutely everywhere?). I didn’t think much of it. I then began noticing that these white spots were everywhere, including the laminate floor in the hall and living room, the coffee table, the kitchen….
I should insert at this point a bad homemaker confession: I have not mopped much since the baby was born. I do sweep, sure, and whenever one of our three stupid cats barfs or we spill something I wipe it up ASAP. But my fastidious mopping that I used to do pre-baby is no more. It was one of the sacrifices my new time-crunched existence demanded.
At any rate, it seems my house is covered in milk spots, whether direct from the source, the bottle, or recycled from the kid. I was wondering if it would help to have a dog at these moments. Dogs will eat just about anything, including poo. Surely they would lap up cap puke, baby puke, and spilled breast milk?