I’ll meet you on the poop deck

I’ve been the victim of another poop disaster.  Recently, we’ve been having a horrific heat wave with actual temps in the afternoons reaching 100-102.  Granted, you expect it to be hot in LA in the summer, but with no rain to offer any relief, it’s pretty awful.  Given that my yard has zero shade, it’s tough to get Stella outside (where she loves to be) without roasting her alive.

Today I opted to take her outside right after breakfast.  We both still had some energy (we’re all still recovering from the germ from hell) and it was only in the 80’s.  I went ahead and set up the water park (splash mat, splash table, slide) and prepared to get us ready.  As I corralled the baby to get ready to put on her swimsuit, I noticed she had pooped.  Ok.  I figured she usually poops once in the morning so I’d be safe just letting her go bareback in her bathing suit.  I chose poorly.

After about 4 minutes, I noticed she was crouching on the corner of our deck.  I hoped like mad she was just looking at rocks.   Nope.  As she got up and came charging in my direction, I noticed a definite sag in her suit. She had done this once before, but that was a nice solid chunk of poo.  I was able to just kind of scoop it out the side with a paper towel.  Gross, but not catastrophic.  I wasn’t as lucky this time.  It was only semi-solid with no definite shape to it.

This was another one of those “what the hell do I do now?” moments.  I basically just shucked her right out of her suit, leaving her naked but for her sandals.  I had the hose running already, so I did what parents everywhere threaten to do: I hosed down the naked baby in the back yard.  She wasn’t fazed a bit.  Then I had to deal with the poop.  I had horror stories of tape worm and e-coli swimming through my head, so I  couldn’t just hose it all in the grass and wait for it to break down.  I scooped up what I could (yay, Bounty paper towels!!  That’s a commercial right there, if I ever heard of one!) and then hosed the rest with gallons of water.  While I did that, the kid was crouching again, leaving a little present this time.  Rinse and repeat twice more.

I wasn’t about to make her go inside for a diaper and new swimsuit.  So, my kid just frolicked naked in the backyard.  I was on hyper-alert for any pervs with telephoto lenses, but we have fencing so we were probably ok.


About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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