Disclaimer for male readers: This is a post about boobs, but not one you are likely to enjoy. Proceed at your own risk.
To this day, Stella naps better if she’s with one of us, and with the whole first trimester fatigue, I can use the extra time either just being still and reclined or actually dozing. Usually, we end up on the couch. I can quietly watch TV or read while she naps (if I’m awake, that is). It’s all very cozy and comfortable.
This past Sunday, I was laying down with Stella to take a nap. We had assumed our usual position, with the pillow just so, a blanket positioned just right, with only so much of the baby covered, remote and iPhone within reach. The baby fell asleep and I was trying to get there myself. After about 3-4 minutes, I realized something was off. It felt kind of like I couldn’t breathe very well. I ran through the checklist: there was nothing covering my head and face, the fan and AC were on and working, my nasal passages were clear. But something was going on. I realized that one of my boobs had shifted and migrated up toward my face. It was like my chest was trying to kill me. Think Ash’s (Bruce Campbell) hand in Evil Dead 2. No, my boob was not zombiefied but it did seem like it was trying to kill me. And no, I’m not going to get a pair of chainsaws. I sort of pushed it back down and held it in place for the duration of the nap.
When we woke up, I went immediately into the bathroom to see what in the world was happening. Maybe a garment had gotten twisted and was pushing things up where they should not normally be. Instead, my boobs were just giant. Indeed, they had grown significantly in about 24 hours. The bra I had on, which had fit ok that morning and perfectly well the day before, was no longer containing the girls.
You expect that this will happen when you get pregnant. I remember the first time – the glee and horror that I had gone up nearly 2 cup sizes in a short amount of time with no surgery involved. They remained large and glorious through most of nursing, finally beginning to deflate once Stella was on mainly solids. But no lie, y’all this time they seriously grew in 24 hours. Even Will noticed.
Honestly, I have not liked nor appreciated the girls much since nursing. Not only had their role in my mind changed, they just seemed sad. Now, they’re back. I plan on nursing again since it worked out so well last time. And if a jar of peanut butter in this economy is now up to $5 a jar, I’d hate to think what formula would cost. I suppose I should revel in them during this, their last great hurrah, while robust (and not yet leaking stuff).