Taint Nick

Another open letter to the suits at Nickelodeon:

Dear Sirs/Mesdames:

It’s me again.  You know, the mom of a young toddler whose day often begins and ends with some of your programming.  Or at least it used to.  Our butts are still chapped from the Viacom vs. DirecTV war during which we lost many of our beloveds for an eternity.  To clarify, it may not be an eternity to a grown up.  But to a small child, even 1 day without access to Dora or Pocoyo is never-ending.  Perhaps that’s making my tolerance a bit lower than it used to be.

I was a bit upset when you all “retired” Moose A. Moose.  Whenever my little girl heard the opening notes of “Puzzle Time,” she would scamper, grinning, like a monkey to the TV.  Still, I understand your need to remain fresh and updated.  Moose was a bit of a dowdy.  I did appreciate how you changed your programming lineup monthly; if you hated the way shows were falling one month, it would be totally different the following month.  That was ok.  Lately, however, your programming blows.  All summer, it’s been one excruciating boring cartoon after another, day in and day out, with no hope for betterment during the next month.  There is no relief.  I’m almost convinced it’s somehow punitive, as if someone in your chain somewhere is angry at DirecTV and offering pure garbage in retribution, thereby punishing their viewers along with everyone else.

I’ll start with Franklin and its “upgrade,” Franklin 2.0.  Franklin was horrendous on its own.  At least the old Franklin had the excuse that it was, in fact, an old, outdated cartoon.  You could pity Franklin.  Now with the new, slicker CG version, you have lost that excuse.  Why oh why would you play them both?  Franklin may be the only cartoon on any channel that can now suck in both 2D and 3D.  I guess if you’re looking for some kind of accomplishment…  Franklin has been followed nearly every day with Little Bill.  5-10 years ago, this may have been a cute, novel cartoon.  Now, it’s just lame.  My child shows more interest when I switch to news in the evening. 

In the afternoon, maybe in an attempt to catch the older kids, there is Dino Dan and the Fresh Beat Band.  Dan makes me sad.  This kid is seeing things that aren’t there.  I guess his friends are very understanding of his “problem.”  I hope Dan’s mom makes him take his medication regularly, as it may drastically improve his life.  I have not been able to get used to the Fresh Beat Band.  I’ve tried.  After all, I don’t like all types of music; perhaps kiddie-pop would just take some exposure in order to develop an appreciation for it.  Nope.  The FBB makes me think Helen Keller had a good idea.

On your “big kid” Nick stations you play Bubble Guppies, Dora, and Team Umizoomi.  This is the primo stuff.  Nick Jr only plays these shows late at night. I guess this is for the benefit of vampire toddlers.  So, OK.  I can watch these shows on the big Nicks.  That’s only if I’m comfortable with my kid getting bombarded with 7-8 minutes straight of commercials, heavy on the Barbie and Bratz, after each episode.  But wait:  I don’t need to watch those channels for new episodes.  You don’t play any anymore.

There has not been a new BG since MAY.  While I have all but 2 saved to my DVR (those 2 being deleted due to unacceptable content as deemed by my kid), the rest are old, tired.  You know how TBS plays 24 hours of a Christmas Story each year?  I love that.  I leave the TV tuned to that channel all day long.  My poor husband gets so confused.  He’s a bit ADD anyway, and has issues with time management.  He simply cannot figure out what part of the movie it is, and wait, hasn’t he seen this bit before during breakfast, or was it lunch?  It’s like an annual pine-scented Groundhog Day for him each and every December 25th.  Merry Christmas.  The BGs have become like that, only without the holiday cheer and peace and good will toward men.  Supposedly there will be a new episode Friday.  I’ll believe it when I see it.  Wikipedia says there have been 2 new shows this summer, as did my DVR guide temporarily, but they lie.  And just knew everything on the internet was supposed to be true.

I’d boycott you guys for slinging digital techni-colored crap, but we’re hooked on this junk.  We need it, man.  Just try to do better, yes?

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About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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