We’ve started the pre-potty training regimen. At her 2 year checkup, the pediatrician suggested we go ahead and “make a potty available.” Check. And shit. The nebulous world of child eliminations sans diapers is just that. It’s along the lines of “when gas/grocery prices drop back down” or “when Will and I can travel abroad” or “when there will one day be a political candidate I’m actually excited about voting FOR vs against.” Sure, it will happen one day. One day. Frankly, this is one of those realms I haven’t thought or read at all about. There is nothing in my pre-parenting world that has left me with any sort of foundation for this. I’ve never even had puppies that needed housebreaking. I’ve always been a cat person. Why can’t children be more like cats? I don’t think you can hit a child on the nose with a newspaper if he/she has an accident.
Those of you who have suffered and laughed along with me know that we’ve had big-time sleep issues with Stella. In my desperation and research, I stumbled upon Elizabeth Pantley and her “No Cry ______ Solutions” books. After an email exchange with her about her work dealing with the sleep stuff, she was kind enough to send me her book on potty training. I’ve found her to be really helpful and kind with her parenting advice, so she would be my potty training Yoda. I got through the intro before breaking out in a cold sweat and putting it down. Dear god, there’s a lot to think about!! Check lists, and pull ups, and reward systems…. Dude, I am totally overwhelmed by this. And yes, I’ve been the one confidently spouting that I’m sure we’ll get Stella potty trained before BY comes along so that I don’t have 2 kids in diapers at the same time.
Now it’s time for me to man up and get off of my butt and wade into this topic. My goal is to have the EP book finished by the election. That’s actually ambitious. Not because I’m a slow reader but because reading time to me is pretty much relegated to breaks on the days when I’m at the office. I guess I need a plan. Normally I love plans. I don’t love the idea of this one. I must be crazy. NOT planning the day when my kid no longer requires Huggies?!
As an aside, Stella loves her potty. It looks great in pieces on the living room carpet. It also makes a swell stepstool for reaching attractive items that I do not want her to possess.
I do add this: As we prepare to navigate the treacherous waters of potty training, I hereby vow NOT to post on Facebook about how many poops or wees ended up in the commode vs inappropriate vessels. I figure the blog is cool for that, as A) most all readers want to know about bodily functions or you wouldn’t be reading this in the first place, and B) poop/pee stories and mishaps are usually the funniest. I do realize, however, that my single or married with no children friends find the whole thing pretty revolting.