Kids are mostly cute. Even when they’re all clumsy and clunky trying to master a new skill, it’s endearing. I know all children flub language a bit. Maybe it’s because we’ve had such a long road waiting for Stella to decide that speaking is a good thing that I’m endlessly amused by what comes out of her mouth. I’m also tickled that she’s mangling many of these words on purpose. Here is some Stellese:
Polka-bots: your friendly neighborhood mechanical designer. I’m sure they still come with flamboyant mannerisms. Stripes are also polka-bots. I’m working on that.
Oh-shit: not what you think and not what we thought for a while, either. Instead, Oh-shit = lotion. Just like cocks = clocks. The possibilities for holiday family mayhem are endless. Get your mind out of the gutter, Uncle Bob. She’s just admiring your timepiece and pointing out that you need some moisturizer.
Spock-corn: Forgive me any sci-fi sins in advance, folks; I was a Star Wars girl (the original 3 – not the later turds, F you very much Mr. Lucas). After enjoying both the snack and the word popcorn for ages, I guess it became mundane. Now it’s Spock-corn. Every Vulcan’s favorite snack? Live long and pick those kernels out of your teeth.
Titty balls: This is Stella’s version of Jingle Bells. We have a Brainy Baby Xmas DVD that she’s currently obsessed with. She requests it by singing Titty Balls. Yet more holiday mayhem to come!
Eee-iii-eee-uh-oh: A few weeks back, Stella stopped singing the normal version of Old MacDonald. In the Stellaverse, he has changed his name to old MacMurphy. I envision a farm with a combination of potato famine and mad cow disease.
Popple: It sounds like it should be some kind of stupid Xmas toy knock-off, like a Dollar General1 Furbee. Instead, this is what Stella dubbed “apples” for a time. While we knew damn well she could say “apple,” she refused. She would holler “Popple!!” at you while grinning.
1 Nothing is more depressing and pitiful than the toy section of a dollar store. It makes regular old merchandise stamped “Made in China” seem as if it belongs in Saks or Macy’s. This stuff is what the normal “Made in China” factory workers make during training or once they lose a hand to a terrible manufacturing accident.