A Letter to St. Nick Jr.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I’ve written before about your choices in programming and the endless reruns of my kid’s favorite cartoons.  I was really depressed that your animators and writers couldn’t manage to come up with another Halloween or Xmas Bubble Guppies.  I’m even more depressed that there hasn’t been a new episode, period, since before Halloween. I can sort of understand how easy it is for your advertisement/marketing team to push  yet another “Bubble Guppies BIGGEST WEEK EVER” full of all new episodes (followed by 4 months of reruns). But that dead horse has been beaten to a bloody pulp.

Instead, I’d like to harangue you for new stuff, namely the odd choices in advertisements and major evening programming changes.  I know the economy sucks and that viewership is down.  Everyone is struggling to make a buck.  We had it good for a long time on your network, with no commercials at all and only cute educational clips and songs in between cartoons and puppet shows.  We still miss Moose A. Moose.

Now?  There are commercials.  OK.  So you have to do what you have to do to get by.  But come on.  I’ve seen the Mucinex commercials so much at this point that I’m starting to wonder if someone (you) is selling green plush snot people for kids as a justification for their ubiquitous presence on Nick Jr.  My child doesn’t understand the word “decongestant.”  She just knows that suddenly TV sucks.  And if I see that SAME LEGO DUPLO COMMERCIAL WITH THE LONG-LEGGED ELEPHANT AGAIN I MAY HAVE TO BUILD A BIG LEGO DUPLO FOOT AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS.  If you absolutely positively must play commercials, how about some variety?!  I beg this of you.

I used to be OK with you advertising for yourself, keeping it in the family and all.  But now rather than an ad for Dora’s latest adventure involving a dump truck,  unicorn, and the power of friendship, I see ads for these prostitute fairies you call the Winx Club.  They all have heaving bosoms, their “I make Barbie look morbidly obese” midriffs showing, short little skirts/shorts, stripper-style heels, and at least as much makeup as Tammy Faye Baker.  If you want to show this on the regular Nick channels where kids can watch Victorious and other such tween and teenage-driven- fare then great.  But to advertise this on the channel geared to preschoolers?  Maybe you ought to take my advice and start advertising different products such as Tampax and Trojan products, since you seem to be pushing things  prominently designed for groins.  I promise I’m no prude.  I have occasionally read Playboy for the articles which has necessitated my flipping through airbrushed naked chicks.  It didn’t destroy me or my sense of self.   But I don’t want my 2 year old daughter asking for a corset and garter belt or aspiring to have a figure like her favorite anime character one day – something which is impossible even with the most aggressive of plastic surgeons!  Furthermore, I don’t want the male child I’m currently gestating to think his prom date is supposed to look/dress like this as he navigates the treacherous waters of grades K-12.

I’ll wrap with the whole Nick Mom debacle.  You know, programming for when the kids go to bed.  It sucks.  It’s not funny.  I laughed more right  before, during, and after my C-section.  It’s banal.  It’s bland.  It’s pathetic.  Unless you’ve had a bottle or two of wine, it’s just excruciating.  And for the record, I can see why west coast and Hawaiian moms are pissed since their kids are still awake when this nonsense comes on.

I guess what I’m saying is give this stuff some thought.  I understand you’re not PBS and you need to generate revenue and all to stay on the air.  I’m thinking you’re saving a bundle by the non-stop marathon of Max and Ruby that is often playing simultaneously on all 3 networks; I don’t know for sure but I’m thinking the license for that must be dirt cheap!  Just be honest about it.  Outright kill the pretense of “preschool on TV” or anything having to do with TV being educational and just make it “Nick 3” or something.  I can swallow crap if it’s honest crap.


One of the rabble


About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
This entry was posted in Parenting, pregnancy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to A Letter to St. Nick Jr.

  1. my27stars says:

    You’re fun when you’re irritated. 🙂 We should be friends and go drink coffee and be bitter about life’s ridiculous injustices.
    We picked a few cartoons that we really like for Doodle and we DVR them, then just sift through the few dozen episodes whenever he’s in a cartoony mood. Not sure if that’s an option for ya? Fast-forward through commercials, that’s what I’m talking about! 🙂

    • larva225 says:

      Ha! I think the DVR solution is my problem. We’ve DVR’d the heck out of everything and now we’re/she’s tired of the same old, same old. Hence, we’re stuck watching more of the live stuff and the commercials. I really do try to keep the boob-tube off as much as possible, but when it’s on, I certainly don’t want my doodle watching stuff like Hoarders and Dexter!!

      • my27stars says:

        Hey, Hoarders could make for some good life lessons! 😉 Oh, and as I set *my* doodle down to occupy him while I brought in the groceries, I turned on Word World and I realized that might solve both this problem and her outrageous collection of letter magnets everywhere problem. It should be on PBS, everything in the entire effing show is made up of the letters that spell it. No commercials through the whole episode. PBS sponsor stuff non-commercials if you don’t catch it by the end. 🙂

  2. Jamie Beth says:

    I’m so glad I’m not the only person who feels like this. I was so sad with the loss of moose a. Moose. Now half naked fairies delight my three year old, so I guess they made up for it .

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