One week from right now, this pregnancy will be over and BY will be out in the world with the rest of us. Now that we’re in full-on countdown mode, my nerves are starting to prickle. Normal, I know. Will and I are starting to really begin to get the old hospital stay chess set out and figure out who needs to be where and when. I’m having a big problem with this. I’m having serious separation anxiety. I know it’s stupid, irrational, and needless worry. It’s just that I have never spent a night away from my little girl. Indeed, with only 3-4 exceptions, she has slept with me or right next to me every night of her life.
I know all that sounds absolutely batshit to most folks. I think probably every other mother I know has packed their kid/kids off to a grandma’s house by now and run themselves amok for a night or twelve. Or just slept. Not me. I just haven’t felt ready. I certainly didn’t expect that this would have been the way things shook out. It just happened. And now? I’m about to go into a situation where I have to leave her for at least 2 nights. Sure, my hormones are kicking right about now, so everything just feels more than it usually does. Will tried to talk to me about it the other day on the phone when I was at the work and I nearly cried. I don’t cry at work. Nope. Not me. So I had to do one of those “quicktalkaboutsomethingelsenowwe’redonewiththistopic” things that he, bless his heart, just doesn’t understand. It’s ok. Damn hormones. Maybe this is why I have yet to pack a single thing into my hospital bag. I should have done this weeks ago but haven’t managed to do it. It’ll take a whole 15 minutes. Maybe. I do try to be logical. I know that regardless of who is with her at night, my kid will be fine. Even if she does become agitated and upset, she will, in fact, live. So will I. This is a monster of my own making, I suppose. Anyone else out there like me? Tips??
I am also worrying a bit about more “real” things. I have consulted a friend of mine who is an attorney after waking up at 3 AM the other night and realizing that I don’t have a will1 and am about to have surgery2. I don’t have time to actually go through the will process at this juncture, but I wanted to make sure nothing stupid would happen such as the state of Louisiana taking all my money (HA!) and kicking Will and Stella out into the cold. That was easy enough to resolve. And even though it’s one of those maudlin things, it is the kind of responsible thing you have to do, particularly when you have a family. And no, I don’t think I’m going to die on the table.
Last, I am beginning to actively dread the extreme sleep deprivation a new baby brings, particularly on top of an already “exotic” night life thanks to my daughter. I hear tell of these mythical Babies That Sleep. Maybe BY will be one of those. I’m not counting on it, however. I think we’re just going to be in for a long and gnarly ride. Boy, he’d better be cute. Otherwise, he may end up outside.
1 Before you get all mad, we DO have life insurance. We just badly need to clear up some of the other kinds of horribly yucky “what if” kinds of paperwork. Maybe a second kid will light that fire under our butts.
2 It always feels odd referring to a c-section as surgery, but I guess technically it counts?