Speak Un-easy

I’ve lost the ability to put a coherent sentence together, much less a complete sentence.  It seems I’m constantly being sidetracked or distracted.  By Stella fingerpainting in egg yolk and milk (egg tempera and gesso, anyone?), the colossal sound of wooden blocks being dumped on the floor from the tallest possible height my 3’+ toddler can reach, from Felix beginning to grumble, or Will – with his own ADD issues – moving in and out of the room mid-sentence or interrupting me with his own stream of consciousness.  Stella also talks so much, and is absolutely insistent that you respond or otherwise acknowledge what she’s lecturing about, that I often feel drunk.  It’s a sensory barrage.

It’s starting to wear thin.  I’m thinking I need to just stop trying to speak.  It’s not worth it.  Will has noticed that half the time before I begin to speak, I heave a heavy sigh as if I’m in a perpetual state of misery.  Or sometimes it takes me a long while to answer a simple question.  That’s if I answer at all.  I often hear the question but choose not to respond, figuring what’s the point?  I won’t be able to get the answer out anyway and even if I do no adult will be there to hear.  And if speaking – an “instantaneous” action – takes so much effort and time, what of writing/blogging?  HA!  It’s taken me a total of 6 days to jot down 2 paragraphs.  I have notes on 3 more blogs that I’m just itching to get out of my brain, but haven’t had time in 4.5 days to write anything at all.

Is this just the result of being home with 2 kids for over a month?  Is it some kind of mommy cabin fever which will clear up once I’m back out amongst the living and driving??


About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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3 Responses to Speak Un-easy

  1. Judih Taylor says:

    Laura, I stayed home one full year – I thought I would never work again but raise my 2 children. I hated it. I went back to school the next year. I LOVE my kids but I just didn’t feel useful at home. My husband came home & was tired from working. He didn’t want to listen to my tales of being a stay at home mom. I admire others that stay at home – especially home school moms but I realized I was put on earth to help other children. I always spent 100% of the time with my kids when we weren’t in school. I didn’t want them to recent me for feeling obligated to stay home with them. I also kept on thinking about that college degree that I paid for myself and worked so hard. I was afraid that when I chose to go back to work the job market would have passed me by. I went for QUALITY time with my kids and not quaantity. I was also used to having my own money. Having to ask my husband for money was miserable. So back to work I went. I have to great adult children. I am so proud of them. After retiring from teaching after 35 years, I now am my daughter’s office professional.
    You’ve got to go with your heart!

  2. Amber Perea says:

    I often find myself speaking as though no one around me knows how to drink out of a cup without a top…much less probably have more advanced degrees than myself. It’s the lack of interaction. 🙂

    I start social events out like that and by the end I am back to my old self. Then two days later it’s back to the toddler jibberish again. 🙂

    It will get better. And for now…blogging will hopefully help. Hugs!

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