I did one of these a while back (https://larva225.wordpress.com/2013/01/03/mourning-glory/). I figured I’d do a second version now that I have a second child. You can think of it as a vehicle to share my pain. Or perhaps it could serve as a cautionary tale to youngsters who might take the idea of having children lightly.
4:50 AM Day begins. I am sleeping on the couch with Felix after our 3:45 nursing. Stella races down the hall reciting bits from The Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog. I attempt to give her my iPhone to play with so that Felix and I can sleep a few more minutes.
4:53 I give up and get up as I’m now being clobbered with the actual book, The Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog. Screaming commences when I refuse to read before A) having a cup of tea, B) changing her super-saturated diaper, C) peeing. I brace Felix with a wadded up blanket and throw pillow so that he, at least, can sleep a while longer.
4:57 I have now peed, changed Stella’s diaper, made a cup of tea, fed and watered the cats, provided Stella with a cup of chocolate milk. Now Felix is up. I change his diaper and feed him from one boob. During feeding, Stella demands to watch TMBG’s Here Come the 1, 2, 3’s video NOW. Turn it on while nursing. It resumes right where we left off last night on the first song about the number 7. She’s now happy and dancing.
5:10 Felix finishes feeding and I put him in his swing so he can watch his sister carry on. I pull up the news on my phone while drinking tea. I hear the unmistakable sound of Felix pooping.
5:14 I change Felix’s diaper after waiting an appropriate amount of time to make sure he’s done. He’s gotten some poop on his onesie requiring a full costume change. Finish and put him back in his swing.
5:23 Stella is in the corner being very quiet. When she emerges, she stinks. Change Stella’s diaper1.
5:30 Go to kitchen to make a second cup of tea and start the coffee pot as well as get all the breast pump parts together and packed to take to the office. Stella is intermittently running up to me demanding things: Paint? Swim suit? Apple? Jelly beans? Color? Mahkers2? Cupcakes?
5:40 Sit on couch with new cup of tea. Check in on Felix who is happily watching TMBG and trying to eat his rattle. Try to play a game on my phone when Stella decides now I should read 4 Pigeon books (Hot Dog, Drives the Bus, Stays Up Late, and Finds a Cookie), her new Octopus book, the Hat book, Little Bunny Foo Foo, and her huge collection of Fairy Tales. Stella multitasks by watching her video while being read to. Lest you think she’s not listening, however, she will begin to yell at you if you attempt to stop reading or even skip a page or two.
5:55 Per audience request, change video to Baby Baby Baby Signing Time3 and go back to bedroom and bathroom to try to wake Will up and begin getting ready for work. Put in contacts, moisturize, and brush teeth.
5:56 ½ Stella pops her head in and demands a swim suit. Notices her father sleeping, climbs on bed, gutter stomps him, promptly leaves again when she hears Baby3 Signing Time playing the song about the Pets I Love. Will continues to sleep. I put on my makeup.
5:59 Try to wake Will up again.
6:01 Try to wake Will up again. Stella comes in and asks for “sparkly mouth.” I apply a tiny bit of gloss to her and tell her to admire herself in the mirror in the living room, thereby allowing myself some space to get dressed.
6:08 Finally get Will out of bed. Go to kitchen to start something for breakfast to take to work. Head to living room to get Felix and feed him from other boob. Stella tries to take off her nightgown in favor for either a swim suit or being naked – I’m not sure. At this point, Will is in play so he settles that one.
6:26 Begin to gather the 86 kilos of crap I have to haul with me every day: laptop bag and assorted work reports, breast pump, bag with food and drink stuff, purse.
6:29 Kiss Will and children goodbye, head out. I’m very tired.
1 For those of you not paying close attention, that’s 4 diapers changed in roughly 33 minutes. There should be some kind of pit crew for diaper changing. I’d be on it.
2 Stella’s Bostonian way of saying “markers.”
3 Yes, all 3 Baby’s are required when asking for or talking about these videos.