I wonder if anyone has ever gone to trial for murder by sleep deprivation? In all seriousness, I think my children are trying to kill me – very very slowly. First there is Stella: nearly 3 years of sleepless nights and counting. Now it’s Felix, although to be fair to the poor little dude, it’s not his fault. He’s had a cold and cough1 immediately followed by teething. Regardless, I’m on no sleep. I’ve been on no sleep now for eons. It makes it so much harder to cope with things well or even at all.
I try to laugh about stuff. Really I do. Today is better than yesterday. I don’t know that I cracked a smile yesterday.
In desperation this past Saturday, I finally reached a breaking point. I was finally ready to send Stella to Oui Oui’s house overnight. Now I know there’s probably some eye-rolling going on. Why in the hell would I NOT have sent my rowdy daughter to Oui Oui’s house long before now? I guess I’m a ninny. Or at the very least, I’m an über-stubborn helicopter-type mommy. Oui Oui has stairs, you know. And outlets that are uncovered. *Gasp.*
But I woke Saturday exhausted. Felix and I had had a bad night. It’s been so bad that after he wakes at midnight or so to nurse, I can’t even summon the energy to get my ass off the couch and put him back in the crib – or even just lay down with him on the futon. We just kind of fall over and sleep on the couch for the rest of the night. Stella came bounding out bright and early as usual. Something in my brain just snapped. I wanted to cry, but it was that demented laughing-crying that happens when you are damn close to a break with reality. After a trying breakfast, I finally asked Will if he thought his mom would mind having a slumber party. We discussed it for a while. Were we really ready? Would Stella be ok? Well if we were going to do this, we had to have some kind of important plan, right? Otherwise it would be a waste.
The long and short of it was that Oui Oui was indeed ok with the idea and no, we didn’t have to have a major plan. I had picked up some nice fish and veg earlier, and since Felix “always” goes to sleep by 6:00 or 6:30, we would simply eat a bit later than usual and we could sit down and eat together. And I could eat without holding a child. And even use utensils. After, we could watch a whole movie without fear of having to pause it for awakenings or the like. And sleep. Sleep would be better. And later.
Ah, the best laid plans…
Felix was grumpy. My normally sweet mellow little boy was a snarling, chomping drool fountain. It took about 3 times as long to get him to sleep. And while we did get to eat our nice meal and watch some uninterrupted TV, my sleep never came. We were up at midnight, at 3:00, at 4:00, at 5:00, and finally up for the day at 6:00.
So yes. I do think they’re doing this on purpose. There’s simply no other explanation. Or maybe it’s the lack of sleep making me paranoid.
1 Oh this cough. Both of my children have it. They’ve had it for 3 damn weeks now. You know when they cough? At night. Especially when they’re first trying to go to sleep. I have a new answer now for the old “when would you go if you had a time machine” question: I’d go back ,waaaaaaaaaay back. I’d find the ancestor of this virus and I’d pour a shitload of bleach into the primordial ooze, thereby killing it forever. And ever.