Here’s Looking At New, Kid

It’s time to start finding more balance.  For the last 3 + years, I’ve eaten, breathed, and slept (or not) my babies.  I’ve coasted at work.  I’ve stopped paying attention to things that I previously used to enjoy or have an interest in.  My kids have been my addiction.  In a way this is a good thing.  In a way, it’s not.  I don’t mean to suggest at all that I’m going to withdraw from my children.  On the contrary.  I need my fix.  I love my kids.  I’m just tired of asking stuff like “What’s Syria?” or “Is it September or October?”

Recently an old friend of mine asked me to be a cohost on an internet radio show that he broadcasts from time to time.  Once upon a time I had a chance to check it out, and it’s pretty funny:  a couple of dudes talking current events, nerd-dom, music, and assorted amusing gobbelty-gook.  He thought that I might be an interesting female counterpoint from time to time.  5 years ago I would have LOVED to do this.  Now?  I can’t.  I’m afraid and embarrassed.  I would have nothing to contribute other than lamenting about how tired I am, the difference between expressive and receptive language delays, and the merits of Huggies diapers.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that, not doing that radio show.  It sounds silly but it’s really a good example of how I feel a lot.  When Will and I talk, it’s invariably about the kids (me) or how much he hates his job (him).  It’s pitiful.  I would have to think long and hard to find an example of when we had some casual just-for-fun discussion.  We used to do that all the time.

So I’m making an effort to branch out, to regain me a bit.  I think in some cases I’ve been successful so far, but I’m baby-stepping.  Even simple things like going to websites devoted to science news make me happy and seem to stimulate some part of my brain long-atrophied. I’m trying to really get into my job again.  I actually ordered myself some new underwear.  Nothing exotic.  Just some cotton Hanes bikinis, but it’s the first non-maternity underwear (or underwear of any kind) I’ve bought in 3 years.   I went to brunch with my friend E 2 Saturdays ago.  It always feels so selfish doing stuff like that – leaving Will with the kids and “wasting” time and money on just myself.  But I have to say I feel like a million bucks after.

And then there’s my hair.  We’ve already talked about that.

So I’m rebranding myself.  Call it a response to my little girl turning 3 soon.  Call it my imminent 40th birthday.  Call it a reaction to looking at my own blog title “babyknitting” and realizing that that’s just not appropriate anymore, that my babyknitting days are done and I’m moving into a new chapter of my life.  I think it’s probably time to shake things up a bit.



About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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2 Responses to Here’s Looking At New, Kid

  1. Meg C. DeBoe says:

    Woo hoo! Go girl! 🙂

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