So I’m 40 today. I’d like to give a shout out to my children for making me feel special immediately; Stella woke me up at 4:20 so that I could maximize the day and Felix gave me an even gnarlier than usual poop. Sometimes when my son takes a dump I’m reminded of a sea cucumber. Sorry. I’m tired and grumpy.
The office crew decorated my cube. It’s draped in crepe paper and balloons. There’s only 1 “over the hill” reference, which was kind of them, and they didn’t use all black. I had honestly expected all black.
I know that turning 40 is not a big deal. I’m the same person I was yesterday. And honestly I don’t think I’d be as irritated by it if:
- I didn’t feel like a big lummox because I’m still carrying around 10 extra pounds of baby weight (on top of the 10 extra pounds I already had) and due to lack of resources (time mostly) I can’t seem to find a way to lose it.
- I could regularly sleep in. By that I mean sleep until like 6:00 AM once a month. I’m just so blasted tired.
- Bobby Flay had shown up to prepare me breakfast this morning (along with several batches of frozen entrees to keep in the freezer to make my life easier on busy days). Damn it, man. You’re not even on TV that much anymore. You should have tons of free time.
- I knew that during the next 40 years I would not be subjected to stupid words and phrases like “hanging chads,” “Kardashian,” “twerking,” and “in it to win it.” I am becoming less tolerant and patient each year and I may start to lose my shit due to some of this stuff one day.
I guess that’s it for now. It’s just after 8:00 AM and I’ve already enjoyed nearly 4 hours of birthday fun. I’m off now to
keep myself awake get to work. I’ll probably fantasize about winning contests in which the prizes are neat stuff like free liposuction, home and garden renovation services, maid service, nanny service, a sound-proof isolation chamber where a person is guaranteed 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep, or money to purchase all of the above.
<And Bobby? I’ll be home around 4:00 if you wanted to drop off some of that food for me. Thanks.>