Just when you think Halloween can’t get any worse, it does. That stomach virus I was crowing about? Yeah, I guess it was a virus. After remaining dormant for almost a day and a half, it resurfaced in the form of the back door trots. That’s the rather quaint way my grandmother referred to the runs.
I never ever thought I’d say this, but I prefer vomit.
After an uneventful if not disappointing evening, the kids were in bed. Will and I discussed our options, and figured we’d saddle the kids up in their costumes and go trick or treating at my office on our way to school the next day. As I prepared for bed, I checked on the kids and thought there was a bad odor coming from Stella. Of course in those moments, it’s dark and you don’t necessarily want to poke the bear by messing with its diaper.
Around 2:00 AM, Will woke me saying he needed help. There had been an accident all over Stella’s bed. The runs had come a’knocking and knocked their way all across her bed. Will tried to change the diaper while I assisted, but was overcome by the fumes. I’ve never been so glad to have a head cold in my life. We got her cleaned up as best we could and she came to bed with me in the big bed. There was one more minor diaper incident before dawn. I guess I got cocky, figuring she’d simply poo’d it all out.
Nope. Sadly and emphatically, nope.
About 10 minutes after she and I were up and about for the day, her diaper exploded in a way that was so huge, so smelly, so foul that I just don’t have words to describe it. It went EVERYWHERE. I don’t know how so much could come out of one 3 year old little girl. The amount of watery shit that came out of her was the equivalent of that coming out of the mouth of a career politician. Sorry. Couldn’t resist.
I had to wake Will as this was DEFCON 5. This was also the moment in time that Felix chose to wake for the day. Poo was everywhere, made worse by the fact that it was liquid and more easily transmissible. I put Stella straight in the tub despite her howling. Will tried to surface treat and Lysol wipe every possible surface in the living room. But you know that stuff only goes so far. But what do you do? I’ll be doing laundry for the next 48 hours straight, but you can’t wash a couch or an oriental rug. In the minds of the adults, the whole house is crawling with little Fecal coliforms and Rotoviruses. An army of them, waiting to get the next victim. I can only cross my fingers and toes that it’s not Felix.
So yeah. Halloween was crappy. Literally. We will simply have to have Halloween at Thanksgiving and/or Xmas.