We Wish You a Merry Pissmas

Every year.  Every year, damn it.

My stupid cats ruined my beautiful Xmas long ago.  Once upon a time, I had one sweet cat.  She left my shit alone.  She might bat one ornament off of my traditionally huge tree, but that was it.  That cat never broke a single ornament.  Then I got the 3 Stupid Cats.

The Xmas Jihad started immediately.  I knew better than to put my good breakable stuff up, and bit the bullet by putting up cheap plastic stuff.  The first day they knocked the tree over.  It’s only gotten worse from there.  One year, I had my mother spend all day Thanksgiving in my Martha Stewart-styled sweatshop by cutting out these painfully intricate 3-D paper ornaments.  They became confetti within hours.  I haven’t been able to pull out all of my really nice stuff in years.


To add to it, my emotional pee-er started pissing on the tree skirt annually about 3 years ago.  I don’t know why I bother to put it out, frankly.  I guess the white metal claw feet of my tree are just so starkly ugly.

This actually is one of the "good ones."  The pee-er knows better than to show his face anywhere near my tree right now.

This actually is one of the “good ones.” The pee-er knows better than to show his face anywhere near my tree right now.

The bastard got it today.  I was starting to think it’d be spared, but no.  Merry Xmas, M*&#er F*&^er.  Someone might be getting a nice pair of soft black furry slippers this year.





About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
This entry was posted in House and home, life and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to We Wish You a Merry Pissmas

  1. The pure venom of this post just made me laugh out loud. Not laughing at you, but just relating to this because I used to have two cats that would piss in my plants.

  2. alvasalmanac says:

    We have 3 cats that we did not have last Xmas and they are already in the habit of seek and destroy. I haven’t put my tree up yet bc I’m still trying to strategize a defense.

    However!!!! I have succeeded in foiling their plots against my potted plants. I brought my herbs in about a month ago. They were digging in them every night. I picked up some large round smooth stones around the neighborhood. I can water the plants but the cats can’t get to the dirt. They ignore the herbs completely now. ¡VIVA! ¡VIVA LA ALVA!

  3. Next to leaving them home alone, the hardest thing about owning pets is the holidays.

  4. Meg C. DeBoe says:

    Our new puppy grabbed an end of tree tinsel and just ran. It was a miracle I stopped him before the tree started spinning. Ugh…

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