Maid of the List

I’ve seen more vitriol about Santa than ever this year (i.e. To Santa Or Not To Santa), or maybe it’s just more on my radar now that I have kiddos.  We do Santa at my house and we do it proud.  As a matter of fact, now that Santa has taken care of the kiddos, I’m going to request a little something-something for myself.


Dear Santa,

I know you’re busy, especially this late in the game, but I wanted to drop you a line and say hello.  I’ve tried really really hard to be good this year.  I’m working on the road rage and cursing – in front of the children, at least.  I hold the door open for people.  I religiously use my turn signal.  At the store, I’m always very careful not to park my shopping cart in the middle of the aisle, thereby cockblocking everyone else who might need to look at shampoo or salad dressing.  I even RSVP, damn it.

Stella definitely is rocking holiday spirit....

Stella definitely is rocking holiday spirit….


Even Halloween in December.

Even Halloween in December.

It’s been a rough year, as you might have seen.  We’ve had another kiddo, Felix, who is totally awesome.  But when you add a baby to a house that already has wee one, chaos can and will ensue.  Factor in full time jobs, language delays/disorder, a horrible first preschool experience, and just general life burnout, the grown ups have been struggling.  It’s temporary, I’m sure (I hope), but my spirits are flagging.  I could use a/some pick-me-up(s).  I would like to respectfully request the following, in order of importance:

1)      Peace on earth seems like a really BIG request.  Instead, I’d like to request peace in my house.  A day – or more, preferably – with no fighting, drama, screaming, and time outs, where the 4 of us just all get along.  If possible, I’d like this to be a recurring appointment on my calendar.

All is calm with Felix, at least in this pic.

All is calm with Felix, at least in this pic.

2)      Time for things other than wrangling children, going to work, cleaning up messes, worrying about money, cooking, changing diapers, convincing Stella to stay dressed, convincing kids to eat what I’ve prepared for them, taking out trash, unloading the dishwasher…. You get the idea.  I’d like time to sleep.  Time to do adult things with my husband.  Time to be alone.  Time to knit/cross-stitch/sew/read.  It doesn’t have to be a lot of time.  I understand that I have responsibilities that are important and that are mine.  I just want a little more time left over when those responsibilities are done.  If this isn’t possible, a good plan B would be a housekeeper/chef service/nanny service/wad of cash to buy any/all of the above.

3)      To feel better about myself.  I can’t do it all and it kills me.  I don’t like myself physically and hate trying to get dressed in the morning.  I feel stupid at work.  I’d like to feel competent and at least a little pretty again.  I don’t know how you would help me accomplish that.  It’s not something I could unwrap Xmas morning, that’s for sure.  Maybe combining item 2 with some plastic surgery?  That might work.  Do plastic surgeons take gift cards?

4)      My house fixed.  I’d like more storage, the part of the vomitorium where the laminate is coming up repaired, different flooring in the kitchen and bathrooms, more storage, a screened in porch, the storage room finished so we can use it as an office/sitting room and the kids can have their own room, storage, the yard made safe for my kids to play without fear of ants/standing water/holes, storage.  I know you’re on a tight time frame, Santa, so maybe just send the Property Brothers and/or the whole HGTV staff to my address?  They could knock that stuff out in a few days, I bet.

There are other things I’d like as well – shoes, vacations, better sauté pans – but the items above would provide me with the most joy.  I feel guilty for asking for so much when I already have a great deal – 2 magnificent children, a husband, a roof over our heads, our collective health (not counting the silly viral nonsense we all keep getting and sharing).  But “ask and ye shall receive,” right?

Anyway, I wish you safe flying this Xmas Eve, and may your Tums never run out.  I’ll try to leave you something other than cookies.  You know, just for variety.




About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
This entry was posted in life, Parenting and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Maid of the List

  1. I need some Peace In the House as well. I’d take some of #2 as well. 🙂

  2. Meg C. DeBoe says:

    Put my name on that letter too!

  3. Nice. And Super Cute photos!

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