Kids songs and rhymes can suck. As an adult singing “Wheels on the Bus” for the 809th time in a week, you feel as if your intellect is beginning to look Dali-esque. Your brain is melting out of your head. Your brain on drugs and all that. But this singing makes them happy, so you put on your big-girl panties and you sing about that f’ing horn going beep beep beep yet again.
Why couldn’t/can’t there be more kids’ songs about more interesting things? Let’s sing about the distinctions of mass extinctions…
I am a big fan of making up our own little songs and ditties around the house. A) The kids like it – especially the big one, B) it’s a useful power when trying to bend children to your will, and C) it helps me break up my own parental/song fatigue and monotony. We sing and talk about “Ricky Racoon, use your spoon” when Stella thinks it’s cool to eat soup with her fingers. I think I’ve confessed to singing my stupid version of Bon Jovi’s “Bad Medicine,” transforming it to “Butt Medicine.” Don’t judge. My kid hates medicines of any kind – including topical – and this godawful tune makes her submit to the Desitin.
At 3 she’s in no position to tell me how bad my song-writing or singing sucks.
All of this is just another example of how gullible children can be. In a recent attempt to keep Stella from yelling at school, which for some reason has been a problem lately after eons of relative peace, I’ve been informing her that “mermaids don’t yell.” Nope. Not at all. Also, mermaids have very soft skin because of all the lotion they put on after their bath (along with their butt medicine). I think tomorrow at breakfast we’ll have a discussion about how mermaids always pick up their toys and poop in the potty. Now I just need some kind of tune….