Self on a Shelf

I haven’t done one of these in a while, so I thought I’d participate.  I’ve been nominated for one of those blog awards, “The Quintet of Radiance” by my blog pal Meg over at DearCrazyKids.  This one seems to have rules which are a bit more nebulous than some, which makes it more and less appealing at the same time.  I am to describe myself using the alphabet.  I kind of just want to see if I can do it.  Here goes:

Alpha (personality):  While I usually think of myself as shy, when I’m comfortable in any situation, I tend to want to take the reins and drive.  I can’t decide if I like or loathe that quality.

Blogger:  No, I’m not famous nor am I particularly unique.  But it’s been good for me to have an outlet and connect with other ladies (and some dudes) in my same boat.  Sometimes a boat can feel lonely.

Cynical:  Usually.  Can’t help it.

Dreams:  For all of my scientific-mindedness, I dream a lot.  Much of my unhappiness comes when I am unable to attain or successfully implement the stuff I dream about.  I have lots I want to do and try and things I want to create.  There just isn’t enough time in any day.

Education:  One of the most important things in life – the things all of us should grasp with both hands.  I wish I had more of it.  Now that I’ve shaken those new mommy cobwebs off of my head, I’m really trying to get my head back in the world and read things – pay attention to things.  Learn things again.

Fatigued:  I have 2 children 3 and under.  I haven’t slept for more than 6 hours a time more than once or twice in 4 years.  Hell, I rarely get to sleep more than 4 hours at a time.  I often think if I could get 8 hours of sleep, I’d probably be all cracked out the next day, capable of anything.  Like that crazy energy you get after a steroid shot.  I love that.

Geologist:  That’s what I do for a living. Or something.

Humorous:  I don’t think I’m stand-up material.  But I have a sense of humor.  It’s saved my butt more than once.  Hell, I think it saves my butt on a daily basis.  I’d probably be medicated if shit just didn’t get/feel funny sometimes.  Even when it’s inappropriate.  Especially when it’s inappropriate.

Independent:  Yeah, sometimes I am.  I’ve had to learn to ask for help, though, since having kids.  That’s been hard.  Really really hard.

Joker:  I’ve been known to play a prank or two…

I don't know that I could ever top this one.

I don’t know that I could ever top this one.

Kitchen:  I have a passion for food and wanting to learn how to cook better.  It’s one of those things I think of in that sense of “if I could go back and do things differently as a young person…”  I wouldn’t want to be a professional chef, mind you.  I just wish I had a broader skill set so that I could impart more to my kids and have a larger repertoire when we do have people over.  I practice as I can.  For now, it’s more a lack of time and money (some ingredients are a bit out of price range).  One day, I’d like to do a Julie and Julia deal, where I pick a cookbook and vow to cook every recipe out of it within a set time period.  That’s on my “bucket list.”

Logical:  My mom used to call me “robo-child.”  It’s not that I don’t feel things.  I just hate emoting.  And often emotions don’t make sense. If you wait just a little while and THINK, that ledge gest further and further away on its own.  I mean, if A = B and C > D then why the hell is E sobbing like a bitch????  Emotions (outward emotions) are icky.  They make me uncomfortable.  That’s what stuff like blogging is for.

Mommy: By far the most important and wonderful role I’ve ever played.

Nurturing:  Ever since college when I was the one that people would call when they sprained their ankle while falling down drunk, I guess I’ve been a nurturer.  I think I do a great job with my kids.  Now I need to try to turn that to others in my life, especially myself and my husband.

Organized: I’m a planner.  Boy am I a planner.  It gives me a sense of control in the world, however tentative or illusory that may be.

Punk:  By that I also mean “semblance of youth.”  I try to stay young while balancing what feels like crushing responsibility at times.  It’s also why my 3 year old daughter knows all the words to “Blitzkrieg Bop.”

Q_____:  It’s my maiden name (which I’ve blacked out as I want to try to maintain at least a semblance of anonymity here).  Like most family names, mine has been both a source of pride and a source of angst and sadness.  It’s a family with loads of good people and qualities, but which – for whatever reasons- is not a close one.  Now that I’m a mother, that breaks my heart quite a bit.

Realistic:  Some might say “buzzkill.”  I call a turd a turd.

Sarcasm:  My best weapon in the daily battle of life.  Ironically, it’s also the quality of myself I’m trying to stifle as much as possible when interacting with my children.  Little people don’t need to know about sarcasm yet.  Maybe when they’re 4…

Time:  Feels like the enemy.  I hate it when it’s wasted.  I want more of it.  Sometimes I want it to pass faster.  Y’all know what I mean.

Unforgiving:  I can hold a grudge.  I can hold a crazy grudge.  I can’t tell if I’m proud of that or not.  One person’s grudge is another person’s “boundary,” and there IS something to be said for consistency.

Values:  And not that corny crap, either.  But I want my kids to have some.  I want them to be decent people.  I don’t want them to be jerks.  I want them to appreciate things they are given and qualities they were born with.  I don’t want them behaving like skanks.  I want them to understand that some things are more meaningful if you have to work for them, that not everything is disposable.

Wit:  I like to think I have some.  And brevity is the soul of…

Xenophile:  One day, I so want to travel.  I want to go to Japan, Vietnam, Italy, Germany….  So many places.  I don’t just want to do the touristy crap.  I want to feel what those places are like.  I just need the opportunity.  By that I mean money.  If I had the money, my ass would be on a plane.  Better yet, my ass would be on a plane with my whole little family so that my kids could experience this world and have their eyes opened as well.

Yes:  I’m trying daily to be more positive – to think of things in term of yes vs no.

Zygotic:  Well, I DO have 2 kids….


As I said at the beginning, the rules are these are nebulous.  There doesn’t seem to be a set number of folks you have to nominate in return.  I’m often hesitant to nominate anyone for these things, not because I don’t admire and enjoy the words that others write, but because these things are pressure, man.  I often seem not to get around to responding to these awards.  Then I feel like an ungrateful ass.  But then if I answer them all, I might seem like a self-important tool.

See what I mean?

In any case, I think that for us parent-types, we all have tendencies to bury ourselves in our kids.  I’d like to nominate the following folks for this award if they have time, if only because I’d like to read their responses and give them the opportunity to think about themselves for a few minutes, even if it’s just to blog.  And Meg?  Thanks for the nod and the same opportunity!


About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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