Half Passed Midnight

This is another hard one to talk about. My grandfather is dying. He’s my last surviving biological grandparent. My mother and her sisters have called him “the incredible shrinking man” for quite some time. He’s just been getting smaller along with the world that he lives in.
You have to understand, my grandfather was a really good dude. I know we all say that about our family members-or at least we should be able to say that about our family members-but this is so true in the case of my granddaddy. He raised three girls well and proudly. And while that may not sound like a lot, when I compare it to my father’s family which was so male-dominated, it kind of is to me. I don’t think it ever bothered him. He absolutely adored all three of his daughters. This adoration also extended to my grandmother who was forever-after known as “Kitty” whenever I fouled up when I was learning how to talk. Kitty on the lap, who is Kitty, you are Kitty. You know how that goes. In any event, Kitty ended up with multiple sclerosis. This was back in the day when there were not a whole lot of medical options for it. My Grandaddy cared for her for years. For years. I needed to say that again, because I cannot imagine the level of care that he gave to his wife day in and day out for such a long time. I simply could not do it.
Once Kitty died, my granddaddy’s world grew increasingly smaller and smaller. When you devote yourself entirely to one person for so long, when they’re gone, what do you do with yourself? Or at least that’s my read on the situation. In any event, he’s in his 90s, and dementia has reached it’s tendrils into his life.
Now he’s at a point where very hard decisions are having to be made. Logically, everyone feels one way. But it’s hard to be completely logical in times like this. You don’t want someone to linger and suffer without a quality-of-life, but it’s also so hard to say goodbye. What if they rally? But what is rally? Is rally being able to one day put on your own pants again? Or feed yourself eggs? In any case, I don’t think these are questions that he would want people to have to answer.
It’s easy to say “pull the plug” when all you can think of is pain and suffering. But with something like this, he’s not really physically suffering. He’s just not himself. The last few times I’ve seen him, he has not been my granddaddy. It’s been uncomfortable seeing him that way. So while it’s easy to dismiss this as “he’s lived into his 90s, he’s had a good run”, this is also a man that leaves behind three daughters. And those daughters had six children. And out of those six children so far there are two great-grandchildren. And those great-grandchildren are mine.
I know this is the circle of life. But it’s still pretty shitty knowing that Stella and Felix will never ever really get to know the sweetest man that ever lived. I wish for peace for my Grandaddy. I wish for peace for The Sisters knowing that their last parent is checking out. I cannot imagine that.

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About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
This entry was posted in life, Parenting and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Half Passed Midnight

  1. Christi says:

    This made me weep but also gave me comfort. I love how you love your Granddaddy.

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