I posted a blog a while back, Sock Itch, in which I discussed life with the legendary “threenager.” If you missed it, it’s basically when you’re confronted with a cute-as-a-button preschooler who is acting like such a butthead you cannot help but dread their teenage years 10 years ahead of time. I’ve got a whole truckload of threenager going at my house on any given day lately.
Don’t get me wrong. My daughter is amazing. She’s so freaking smart (and you should hear this girl read…it’s mind-boggling) and pretty and funny. But she can be such a jerk-face. You can never tell what will precipitate a flip-out or butt-showing. It could be the wrong pair of big girl panties. It could be apples vs pears. It could be that her shoes are NOT on the wrong foot, dagnabbit.
I’ve threatened to confiscate all sparkly mermaid clothing and replace it with magistrate’s robes and powdered wigs. This kid is downright argumentative. You can’t argue with her, however. What she lacks in logic she makes up for in volume. When that volume goes up, I’ve found that threatening with time outs and the like is futile. I now call her Marshmallow (from Frozen), Bruce (from Finding Nemo), or Ursula (from the Little Mermaid). Any of those is odious to her, as these 3 characters are our current standard for jerk-face behavior. She gets incensed. Best of all is when she yells back “I AM NOT ACTING LIKE MARSHMALLOW/BRUCE/URSULA.” At that moment, I can’t help but laugh. Then she gets REALLY angry. It’s great.
Finally, her latest schtick is to call Will Will and me Laura. I rarely get called mommy anymore. I don’t know when/how this started. I thought jerk-face children at least waited until their teens before they started with this kind of thing?