The Suck Stops Here

I haven’t bitched about not sleeping in a long while, so I figure I’m due.

It’s no secret that both of my kids suck – or have sucked – at sleeping.  They both had/have their own unique twist on it.  It took Stella forever before she’d sleep by herself in her room.  For about 2 years I was her favorite stuffed animal.  I had to lay down with her, maintaining physical contact, before she’d go to sleep.  Sometimes that took 2 hours.  Every.  Single.  Night.  And then one day – bam – she was “normal.”  Don’t get me wrong.  She still does goofy stuff at night, but usually you can tuck her in, give her a drink from her Hello Kitty water bottle, provide the necessary stuffed animals for that particular evening, give her 1o kisses (it has to be 10 or she yells,) and leave the room.  She occasionally has a running monologue for a while.  She always death rolls, kicking the wall with enough force that she shakes the back of the house.  But she stays in bed and goes to sleep.

Well, except twice in the last week she’s wandered down the hall at about 2:00 AM and climbed into bed with me.  But she’s had an ear infection.  So that’s not a new thing, right?  Oh please god don’t be a new thing.

Anyway.  Felix.  As an infant, he was so much easier to handle than his sister.  He’d nurse himself to sleep and then I could put him down – rather easily (vs. Stella, which was like trying to put down a 2 liter bottle of aging nitroglycerin)– where he’d slumber fairly well for a while.  But within the last 4-5 months, he’s gotten to be a right pain in the ass.  He will not stay asleep.  I have to go get him and – you guessed it – nurse him back to sleep.  The kids share a room, so even if I liked the whole “cry it out” idea, it’s not feasible in this case.  This habit also is not helping weaning efforts.

So I had an idea.

Bear with me on this.  It may be a bit disturbing at first.

I’m thinking of going to a sex shop and buying a pair of rubber boobs.  They can be a pillow for my son.  Now I know that sounds gross/vulgar, but really, why is that so different from a pacifier?  A bit larger, sure, but both things are really just surrogate  nipples – something to suck on.

I’m really thinking about this.


About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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9 Responses to The Suck Stops Here

  1. Meg C. DeBoe says:

    Do they come with therapy? 😉

  2. Meg C. DeBoe says:

    But seriously – how does he feel about regular old pacifiers?

    • larva225 says:

      Good one (about the therapy). I have tried pacifiers. I’d love that. He won’t have it. It also doesn’t help that I’m with him more this week. When I’m at work, he doesn’t think about it as much.

      • Meg C. DeBoe says:

        Bummer. I have no idea how you ‘cry it out’ when they share a room. Would he take a bottle instead of a boob?

      • larva225 says:

        I threw them all out weeks ago!

      • Meg C. DeBoe says:

        D’oh! Consider talking to his pediatrician about sleep training? There’s got to be other parents out there with advice on cohabitating siblings. I find this very interesting since my kids recently ELECTED to start sharing a room…very strange.

      • Meg C. DeBoe says:

        Does Stella happen to be a heavy sleeper? How about a radio or white noise machine to mask the crying?

      • larva225 says:

        We’ve had a noise machine in their room from the get-go. We’ve thought about moving his crib out for a few nights, but A) we’d have to take it apart to move it, and B) call me a pansy, I just hate the idea of cry it out. I totally concede that by cosleeping, I’m largely responsible for this beast. But I do think that once he’s weaned some of this will dissipate on its own.

  3. Meg C. DeBoe says:

    I think you’re right. Both of my kids spontaneously weaned pretty early on, so I am devoid of all weaning tips – sorry!

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