I’ve recently seen loads of press for shipyourenemiesglitter.com. As the name implies, it’s a service which will send glitter bombs in the mail to anyone you want to festoon with sparklies. I guess it’s like anthrax but without the side of Cipro.
It’s kind of funny. I mean, I get it. Glitter is inconvenient and messy. And I guess if you’re a grumpy old man, it’ll f$(*# your day up. But for “enemies?” Really?
Bunch of pansies. I have a little girl. I’ve already been through glitter boot camp. Hell, my house IS glitter boot camp. You should see my laundry room when I pull out the lint trap from my dryer. At least 6 grams of the stuff comes tinkling down from the sparkly gray lint. Counting what stays trapped in the lint, I reckon a kilo of glitter comes out of my dryer after every 3-4 loads of laundry.
You want to ship your enemies something really inconvenient? Try cous cous – dry or cooked. That shit gets everywhere, and if it’s wet, it sticks. You have to let it dry out before sweeping it up. Otherwise, you get hundreds – no, thousands – of semolina smears all over your kitchen floors and counters.
So maybe that’s my ticket. I should start my own business to really ruin peoples’ days by causing as much messy havoc as possible. Cous cous today. Baby oil bombs tomorrow.