In keeping with my recent kitchen blog theme, I have a serious problem. My microwave is old and/or haunted. I have a giant microwave that’s probably close to 20 years old. It’s one of those huge things you could cook a turkey in if you were so inclined. I’ve had it since college.
(Note: that’s one of those “holy shit” statements, when you realize just how long ago that was. No wonder the damn thing is acting up.)
The issue is that sometimes it only sort of works, in that you turn it on as usual and notice that it sounds kind of off and that although the light is on and the turntable is turning, the timer isn’t counting down. Sometimes when you open and close the door, it turns on by itself – lights and turntable – but there’s no timer running at all.
It’s a little bit eerie. And no doubt a little bit dangerous. The other day I had walked away from it and it just abruptly started. As I type this I’m breaking out into a cold sweat, wondering if it’s nuking a phantom TV dinner while I’m at the office.
I either need an exorcism or a new microwave. This is a big deal. My kids need popcorn and microwaved chicken nuggets. Do priests deal with small appliances?
Postscript: Prior to posting, I decided to Google “Haunted microwave.” I’m apparently not the first. Here’s a doozy:
And here I thought I was providing a public service by bringing to light an important issue…