Skid and Nancy

I haven’t written anything disgusting in a while so here goes…

I’ll start with a very obvious, very true statement:  kids are gross.  They are vile, disgusting creatures, engaging in behavior that would be vilified if they weren’t little and cute and operating in that glorious euphoric bubble that is only possible by being completely ignorant of social norms and customs.  Boogers get eaten or wiped on windows, walls, the couch, your lap. They fart like 98 year old men on cabbage Tuesday (and then blame it on their fathers even when they aren’t in the home at the time of the offense, which is totally hilarious).  They pee in bathtubs but still feel it’s totally ok to put that bathwater in their mouths and spit it out as if they were some kind of Italian fountain.  They will pick up any food off of any floor and eat it if they’re hungry enough or if it’s a cookie.  This is all well-established.  No parent of any kid over the age of 6 months can contest this. I don’t care if it’s the spawn of Miss Manners.

Me, gross?  As if....

Me, gross? As if….

My beautiful amazing little girl is no exception.  Granted, I’m glad that she gets in there and gets dirty with the best of them.  Somehow by the end of just about every day – regardless of what we’re doing – she ends up with this 5:00 shadow of filth on her face.  She’s like Dirtbeard.  I can’t explain it.  But I’m having another hygiene issue with her that I can’t seem to make any sort of progress on.

Dirtbeard herself - post-bath.

Dirtbeard herself – post-bath.

She will not wipe.  Or she doesn’t wipe well.  Her panties are like a Pollack painting in browns.  It’s awful.

I’ve tried coaching her, having her take my hand and “helping her” so she can get some kind of muscle memory going, I’ve shown her the ruins of her favorite Ariel and Minion panties, I’ve even provided live demonstrations myself.  I get crickets.  Strike that.  I get skid marks.

Help?  Does this get easier/better?  Do they ever just figure this out? Do they ever get tired of having itchy butts?  Hello?

I may be silly and cute....

I may be silly and cute….

But I'm nasty, too.

But I’m nasty, too.


About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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One Response to Skid and Nancy

  1. glip says:

    If it makes you feel any better, you’re not alone out there! I am having the same experiencing with my 6-year-old. Sometimes she does just fine, and then we got through weeks here and there where we’re back to square one. We’ve had a few “talks” and I also got her some of those flushable wet wipes. Wish I had a better solution for you. Ugh. Fun times.

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