We’re not the best neighbors. To be fair, up until recently we simply couldn’t be. We have 2 young kids and our work schedules were bipolar. It’s still tough to get out and about, but it’s easing up some. That being said, it’s finally time to put some love into our house and yard. We are totally the neighborhood rednecks. Our flower beds are rampant with weeds and ant piles and our once white house is now beginning to look a bit charcoal grey due to the mildew growing on it. Up until a year or so ago, the houses on either side looked worse. That was nice. The lady on our left, however, had her father come out and work for about 4 weeks on her yard and now it looks nice. That pissed me off. How dare she get free labor and make us look so much worse in the process?
Adding to my frustration, this neighbor lady, whom I call the Desperate Housewife, recently got new dogs. She’s always had a couple- a German shepherd and a cocker spaniel. They were fine. I think the spaniel died, however, as I haven’t seen it in a while. I guess to fill the void (she’s single and hardly ever home), she got 3 (THREE!) f’ing chijuajuas.
Can I tell you how much I loathe the sound of yapping little dogs? One, in particular, is beyond obnoxious. If it hears a gnat break wind within 80 yards, it barks. If it sees any motion at all – like a cloud drifting by in the sky – it barks. If it sees my kids through the picture window in MY house in MY yard, it barks. If we go out in the back yard, it barks.
Back to paragraph one, Will and I have recognized that we can’t wait until the fairy babysitter shows up to help watch our kids. We have to try to get some things accomplished and hope the kids don’t get hurt or killed in the process. As such, Saturday we spent some time in the back, weeding, pulling up rotten decking, pruning roses, cutting back trash trees. The kids spent their time trying to run around with my pruning shears, whining, braining themselves in the trampoline, whining, digging in the mud, whining, dropping bricks on their toes, whining, and attempting to eat fistfuls of holly berries. We don’t have holly trees in our yard. The Desperate Housewife has holly trees in her yard. Since her father clear-cut her back yard last year, the holly trees are thriving. Indeed, I’ve never seen them fruit before. This year we have berries for days – enough to poison the entire Baton Rouge metro area. My son loves them.
The dogs? They barked. And barked. And barked. I finally brought the kids in to wash the mud, tears, and smeared berry juice off of them. While toweling them dry, I watched out the window while the dogs continued to bark at Will, despite the fact that Will was obviously cussing them out and giving them the stink-eye. The ringleader got “excited,” and tried to mount one of the others. His would-be victim was also male and wasn’t receptive, especially when the ringleader tried to mount his head. I suppose I should be happy that this dog is clearly too stupid to ever breed.
I have a solution. I shared it with Will but he won’t do it (yet): Tie the stupid chijuajuas to the holly trees and SET THEM ON FIRE. I love multi-faceted solutions.