Will recently got a great new job opportunity within the organization he started with about 9 months ago. While it’s a tremendous thing, it also means that for weeks now he’s been working longer hours – staying late – and spending off-time studying. This, in turn, means more on my plate. It’s short-term, hopefully, but it gets to me at the same time.
I’ve been getting pretty down. It doesn’t help that my job has gotten cartoonishly bad. I mean, I work for my state’s environmental agency. Did you know we no longer recycle? That’s an illustration of how appalling it’s gotten in the last year. It’s hard to go somewhere where you aren’t appreciated and don’t want to be. It sucks your energy. It makes it hard to gain positive traction anywhere. All the things I’ve been wanting to do for myself seem to be falling to the wayside.
Regardless, each day I do my best to get up and put my proverbial big girl panties on. If you start rolling, sometimes good things snowball, you know? The other day I decided that we needed to get rid of some of the clutter. I figured this would also be a good time to try to start teaching Stella about choosing things to donate to give to other kids to play with that might need it or enjoy it more. She graciously agreed to give up her toy trumpet that doesn’t actually make noise. She also was willing to part with all of her brother’s toy trucks and cars. To say the least, we didn’t get very far with that process. Yet another failed attempt at forward momentum.
Later on, I moved my pity party outside to let the kids play in the wading pool and sprinkler. While we were there, a butterfly came to hang out. Their wonder was palpable. It’s one of those moments where you’re smacked in the face with the stuff that really matters. Not having a beautiful house and yard. Not losing weight. Not finding time to learn to sew. Not resumé building.
So sorry, universe, for bitching. And thanks for sending that little insect to my back yard. I needed to see it.