Do you know what I hate? Work nights that are also bath nights. I know, I know. After 5+ years in this rodeo, I ought to be used to it. But lately it’s been chapping my butt worse than usual.
For the most part, this is something that I’ve juggled solo since our life with children began. Will has always worked the later schedule, so bath time has come due on my watch. It used to be it wasn’t so bad. Your kid gets old enough to sit up and play solo (and by solo I mean you can run your happy ass back and forth between the kitchen and bathroom without too much fear of disaster in either location). Cool. Add another kid who has attained the same age. It’s suddenly more complicated. There’s silliness and aquatic wrestling. You worry about a kid getting their teeth knocked out or maybe a concussion.
And the mess. Oh the F’ing mess. One kid + bath = moderate water loss on the floor. Two kids + bath = tsunami. And by tsunami I mean a quantity of water that is seemingly larger than the volume that initially went into the tub, particularly since the tub is still half full and THEY’RE STILL SPLASHING.
I end up caught between a rock and a soaking wet place. Sure, I
scream and yell at them to knock it off ask them not to splash. That is not effective. I threaten. That is effective for approximately the length of time it takes me to run back to the kitchen and attempt to flip/stir whatever is burning in the damn kitchen at that point. Finally I’m furious, slinging clean towels on the floor to mop up gallons of water, hauling slippery little bodies onto the saturated bath mat, and the kids are now screaming as well since they’re pissed I’m taking them out of the bath, oh and they’re starving where’s dinner? Merde. Dinner is burning/drying out/congealing.
I hate it. This is a real problem for me. And it seems so stupid and basic that it kills me I can’t solve it. No, I don’t bathe my children every night. No, it doesn’t feel like I have time to bathe them separately. Yes, I try to meal plan as best I can in order to minimize my actual hands-on time in the kitchen – and admittedly have been doing a pretty shitty job of that lately. No, it doesn’t seem like feeding them before the bath would work since they act like they have not been fed since breakfast each and every day when I pick them up from their schools. I mean, do the schools not feed these children? If I give them snacks, then they won’t eat dinner. I can’t win.
I just feel like a big fat old mom failure at this particular combination of skills. What gives???