The Yell Jar

Loads of us joke about accepting our “Mom of the Year” award as we feed our kids Happy Meals or forget to send an extra sweater to school on a cold day.  Some days the whole parenting game is more of a struggle than it should be.  You wake up with great intentions: very little TV, more music, lots of reading, and arts and crafts.  You end up with 2 hours straight of Spongebob, not a crayon in sight, and the only books in use are the ones that your son is using as “tracks” for his monster trucks.

I’ve been ranting about “togetherness” a lot. Some of that has been actual frustration due to more time off together due to holidays exacerbated by wet weather.  I’ve had PMS thrown in to boot.  My patience has been worn to a nub and it’s not regenerating.  I’ve been yelling a lot.  Especially at Stella.

My daughter has been consistently driving me crazy.  The worst thing?  The not listening.  She never ever listens.  Like ever.  You can ask her to pick up her dirty clothes and put them away 16 times.  They stay on the floor.  We’ve asked her at least 20 times a day not to chase the cats, which is a big deal since all the baby gates came down and the cats have fewer “safe” zones.  She chases the F’ing cats.  Constantly.  They run, hiss, and once even attacked her resulting in some pretty good scratches all over Stella’s arm.  Doesn’t make a difference.

I need some kind of parenting camp at this point...

I need some kind of parenting camp at this point…

I feel like I’m constantly berating her.  I feel like she’s constantly ignoring me.  I feel like all I do is bitch and get angry.  And I hate myself for it.  I got so frustrated last night I spent about an hour crying.  I don’t want to be that mother.  I don’t want my daughter to feel constantly picked at, picked on.  I know her teacher is an asshole.  I’ve been hearing about missed recesses at school.  I want to cut a bitch every time I hear that.  But then I find myself hollering at my kids – mainly Stella, as she more often than not seems to be the ringleader for whatever chaos is being unleashed – because I ASKED YOU TO STOP RUNNING AND SCREAMING AND JUMPING ON THE FURNITURE AND NOW YOU BROKE THE PICTURE FRAME AND NO DADDY WON’T BE ABLE TO FIX THIS.

Aaaaand I'm gearing up for next week's conference

Aaaaand I’m gearing up for next week’s conference

I feel like crying now as I type this in the quiet of my office.  I’m dreading the weekend and I hate myself for feeling that way.  The first thing I did this morning when I got here was to Google ADHD and how to get your kid to listen.  I even impulse-bought a book on Amazon, hoping for some answers.  I haven’t wanted to default into the world of ADHD, but maybe it’s time to venture down that path.  Will has it.  I know it’s highly  heritable.  I see similarities in the way Will and Stella both react to different stimuli.  He’s even said they’re wired the same.  Our pediatrician has indicated more than once that he thinks “we’ll probably be discussing ADHD at some point in time.”

I dare you to Google "ADHD Memes" and see what comes back.  Hateful shit, I tell you.  This was the least offensive example of this variety I could find.

I dare you to Google “ADHD Memes” and see what comes back. Hateful shit, I tell you. This was the least offensive example of this variety I could find.

I feel tired.  I feel so sad.  I feel like a horrible mom.  I feel pretty alone.  I’ve read and researched.  I’ve tried thinking outside of every box I could get my hands on.  Hell, I’ve tried aromatherapy and essential oils.  I want to protect my daughter and help “fix” whatever the hell this thing is.  I want to send her to time out forever.  I don’t want to punish her for things she obviously can’t control.  I can’t cope with the constant noise-making and movement and how it amps up Felix, only exacerbating the problem.

I don’t know what to do  now.

Sigh

Sigh

 

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About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
This entry was posted in life, Parenting and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to The Yell Jar

  1. Anxious Mom says:

    That sounds exactly like Little Man. He is going for an appointment next week to see if sensory processing disorder is contributing to his issues, and then will go to be tested for ADHD. Some days I feel like I have to just step away because he’s constantly doing something he shouldn’t be doing and all I’m doing is fussing.

    Those ADHD memes…grr. I see those a lot with Asperger’s too. It makes me very stabby!

    • larva225 says:

      I really had no idea. I guess all this time I’ve avoided researching any of this as I’ve been afraid of all of these damn labels. And I guess there are going to be assholes in every crowd.

  2. cookie1986 says:

    Ahh. Dude, my kids act like that all the time. I could put myself on repeat on a speaker and still nobody would fucking listen to me. And it’s worse when they’re together because they egg each other on.
    Maybe part of the excess energy at home at night is because your poor kid is getting left inside at recess and building up even MORE energy because her teacher is a tool? Sometimes professionals are so quick to “diagnose” a child because it’s easier for them to label a child a certain way than to admit they are doing a shitty job.
    Hang in there. You are enough.

    • larva225 says:

      Oh her teacher IS shitty. I have quite a few “discussion points” for Tuesday. The loss of recess is first on that list. In think if we had gotten a decent teacher – one who wasn’t burnt out and hated little children- some of this would have been mitigated. But there are still some things there that exist independently of the classroom. That’s the tough part for me to admit and the scary place it seems we’re careening toward.

  3. How about adhd and shitty parenting? I think J fits that bill.

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