So how was your weekend? Mine was colorful. My daughter told me she hated me for the first time ever. She stood at the base of our driveway and screamed it to the heavens. Then she immediately felt bad and took it back. But seriously? at 5 years old? I don’t remember telling my mother anything like that until I was at least twice that age. Felix, too. He didn’t say he hated me, but he kept trying to flog me with throw pillows while shouting “I’m angry!”
To be fair, it was just one of those weekends. We didn’t have much going on. Will was working a lot. The weather was crappy the first half. The kids were bored. And I’m pretty sure someone slipped them some cocaine when I wasn’t looking.
When they weren’t showing their asses in my general direction, they were giving each other what-for. They brawled and squabbled all weekend long. It was like a professional wrestling match, only lacking a cage and a folding chair. There was biting, hair pulling, name calling, trash talking. Felix tried to bash his sister in the head with a toy doctor’s kit. Luckily, she stood up at the last second, so what would have been a nice head shot caught her in the butt cheek instead.
I tried to referee for a while then gave up. I buried myself in my iPhone and hoped we would get nothing worse than a bruise or fat lip.
Maybe I’ll boil our Easter eggs in chamomile tea next weekend.