I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I can road rage a bit. Before you begin to chastise me, I have my limits. I’m a bang-the-steering-wheel-while-calling-you-names road rager vs. the wave-a-gun or get-out-of-my-car-while-threatening-to-kick-your-ass road rager. It used to be no big thing. I was in my car. Alone.
And then I wasn’t. Suddenly, these bipedal parrots appeared calling me “mommy” and I had to watch my mouth. I also tried to limit my outbursts. There is enough shouting in any generic household with children without adding a pissed off parent at the wheel.
But sometimes people drive like maniacs. Sometimes people drive as if they’ve been lobotomized. Sometimes people drive while texting or watching YouTube videos on their phone. At that point, frustration can and will leak out.
So I try. Instead of calling someone “dick” or “fucking moron,” I try to use other words – words that won’t result in my kids getting sent to the office if repeated. They lack the oomph of the originals, but they still manage to express my disgust at my fellow drivers.
As we were returning home from school the other day, some asshat decided to pull one of those random driving maneuvers whereby they just suddenly stop and sit for no apparent reason in the middle of the damn street. Frustrated, I called them a lummox and swerved around them.
From the back seat I heard my son angrily shouting “Get out of the way, lummox! Idiot! You’re a jerk-face!” I may be getting a call from school sooner than I though.
P.S. I’ve been agonizing over whether or not to even say anything about this, but to the despicable human being who has been leaving me little comments about one of my kids, stop it. You are obviously a twisted, demented, piece of shit – a pedophile. I will find some authority to turn your user name/email over to if this continues.