Brawl In a Day’s Work

My children have turned into wee little thugs, my son in particular.  The past 4 or 5 days have been reminiscent of a maximum security prison.  We’ve had riots.  There’s been pushing, hitting, kicking, punching, hair-pulling.  Name calling  is running rampant, with poo-poo head being the label of choice.  I’ve been threatened with many dire consequences; Stella threatens not to love me anymore while Felix is more diabolical: “I cut you with scissors, Mama!  Squeeeeeeeeeeewh!” 

 <And are boys just born knowing how to make sound effects?!>

I can tell some of Stella’s angst – the verbal side of it,anyway – is the result of her classmates.  Last time I ate lunch with her and her pals, there were all kinds of taunts involving blood, spit, and garbage. I have one of those Shakespearean insult mugs, with such zingers as “thou art a boil, a plague sore” and  “mountain of mad flesh.”  It made me wonder if Thermos would make a lunchbox-friendly version.  With her superior reading, my daughter could be the ultimate lunchroom insult champion.

For Felix, this is rather new behavior.  Bless his heart, he was always the kid being bitten at school.  We must’ve seen a dozen “ouch reports” come home, indicating he got bitten on the finger, hand, leg, and my personal favorite, the cheek.  Yesterday he came home with his first ever behavior report. I’m so proud (not).  In his zeal to be the sole owner of a bucket of dirty water, he pushed 2 kids over.  After a brief calm-down period, he proceeded to dip his head in the same bucket.  His final escapade was putting puddle water in his mouth and spitting at anyone within distance.  It was a long behavior report.

I know lots of this is just normal kids being kids stuff.  Honestly, at home I’m content to let them battle it out.  But they can’t pull this shit at school.  As I dropped Felix off today, I urged him to be sweet -no pushing or hitting.  And I reminded him that there are tons of bouncy germies in puddle water, and that if he put it in his mouth he’ll probably get hot lava poop.  If that doesn’t fix it, I don’t know what will.


About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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2 Responses to Brawl In a Day’s Work

  1. Anxious Mom says:

    Spitting puddle water at people…I wouldn’t know whether to laugh or cry! I hope the lava poop does the trick 😄

    • larva225 says:

      He does the same damn thing with bath water when both kids are in there. Even explaining that there are two butts’ worth of germs doesn’t deter him. He must have some wicked tough bacteria in his gut!

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