Last night I had some wine. I know. You’re shocked. In my defense I’m having a soul-crushing time at work these days. I actually do enjoy what I do. But lately the people who are supposed to be there to support me are doing the opposite. It’s just hard to be there right now.
And then when I picked my daughter up after school she immediately confessed to getting 2 red dots and that boy, Mrs.Harpy was super tired and grumpy – she even said so. Enter parental guilt. Am I helping this mean awful woman define my sweet albeit sometimes obnoxious kid with behavior chart dots? And then in my imagination the Harpy turns green and begins chortling “I’ll get you my pretty!”
So yeah. It was a wine night. To my credit, I did wait until after both kids were bathed and fed. Will and I were watching the second episode of Arrow (still on the fence with that one) when I realized I needed a refill. Will handed me his mostly-empty glass in that “while you’re up you might as well” kind of way.We have one of those “open concept” kind of common areas, with the living and dining rooms and kitchen. As such, I can still watch whatever is on the TV while getting wine or snacks.
So there I am – one empty and one partially empty wine glass looking kind of sideways to see the show walking to get wine. The room was dark. All I know is that all of the sudden I stepped in something wet. My foot shot out from under me. I found myself on the floor with wine dripping off my nose and glasses, my ass wet with something kind of smelly, and miraculously 2 unbroken glasses in my hands.
At first I thought “Oh shit, my hip.” ‘Cause as you know, as you age that becomes a thing. Then I realized my elbow was throbbing. Then I got pissed. What was the wet shit on my floor? I hollered for Will to help. Thank goodness Felix was asleep, or he would have learned so many wonderful new words.
Will investigated and cleaned up the mess while I cleaned up myself, changed, and got ice for my elbow. Turns out it was a lake of cat bile. I had slipped and nearly broken bones on a gallon of cat vomit.
No more cats, y’all. I mean it.