Last night about an hour before bedtime, Stella came walking out into the living room from her room. She was obviously – and I mean obviously – hiding something behind her back. Her hands were cupped behind her back and as she walked she swiveled her torso to keep her backside hidden until she reached the garbage can.
I immediately began to question what she was doing, what was it that she was so un-subtly trying to dispose of. She said she was afraid to tell me. I gave her the spiel about being honest blah blah blah. She finally fessed up to cutting her own hair in her room. It wasn’t much, so she said, and she was trying to make something out of it.
I did get angry. Not because she cut her hair and tried to hide it, but because we’ve had this conversation before. She’s cut her own hair before. I’ve told her that that wasn’t cool and she’s agreed that she will no longer do this thing. Before.
So in my parental fit, I told her if she ever did a thing like that again that I would find and destroy every scissor in the house. “There will be no more cutting. Ever. In this house.”
Of course it was a stupid thing to say. But as a parent in the heat of battle, I’ve made some pretty remarkable threats. I’ve threatened to take all of her favorite stuffed animals and have them spend a week on top of the fridge (which is my parental Alcatraz). I even did take Sweet Kitty once or twice for an evening. Poor Sweet Kitty. In my defense, her offense in this case was chasing our real live cat. Over and over again. After being told not to. Over and over again. I’ve threatened to never purchase watermelon again. I’ve threatened to send kids to bed with no dinner, no snack, no *gasp* story. I’ve threatened to throw away any and all toys left on the floor. I’m not alone. Will once popped a balloon they were fighting over – very deliberately – right in front of them. I thought Felix was going to die. Will even felt bad.
What’s the craziest threat you’ve ever made?