So I’m doing that crazy Whole 30 diet. I’ll spare you the details but basically you eat supremely healthy for 30 days. This means no sugar, grains, dairy, legumes, or WINE. I had to do something, y’all. My scale wasn’t telling the difference between pregnant and non-pregnant me at this point. That’s not cool.
I’m only on day 5, and I’ll spare you the nitty gritty of what I’m eating. If y’all want recipes, that’s why glob invented Pinterest. But I’ve already learned a thing or two. It’s rather interesting, in a world-bereft-of-wine kind of way:
- The thing I miss most so far? Cough drops. I must consume about 600 calories a day in cough drops. I always have a tickle in my throat and now I have no balm for that. I also used to suck on one after I’d have coffee to destroy disgusting coffee breath/aftertaste. Now I can only swish with water. That’s a drag.
- I was obsessed with the scale. Even though I wasn’t consistently losing weight (obviously), I would step on it every single morning, and usually at least once in the evening. That’s obsessive. Maybe. What I saw would often have a major impact on how I felt that day. During the 30 days, you’re also supposed to go on a “scale diet.” The first morning I stepped on it without thinking. The scale is now upside down on my bathroom floor in case I get stupid and forget again.
- Like most parents, I probably have been eating a lot of incidental little shit that I wasn’t aware of: grabbing a couple of Triscuits when I give Felix some, or snagging the last few Goldfish left on the counter, or eating the last chicken nugget from that Happy Meal. Who wants to waste food, amiright? I now have to catch myself. I really didn’t realize how much of that was going in my mouth.
- One always hears about how much sugar is in everything, but I was always kind of like “yeah I know but I eat healthy, yes?” Nope. Sugar really is in everything. Bacon, y’all. There’s sugar in most F’ing bacon.
- I’m totally overwhelmed with the amount of work and planning that goes into this kind of eating. I’m becoming a bit obsessive with that. I’m hoping that in another week, it will come a bit easier. If not, it’s only 30 days, right?
- “They” say the first few days you’ll feel hungover as your body detoxes from the sugar. I didn’t feel hungover. Just a bit woozy-like. My sleep is very different, though. The first couple of days I was knackered. I slept long and hard, children notwithstanding. My dreams are much more vivid than they’ve been in a while. No doubt this is due to the lack of wine in my bloodstream.
So I intend to keep going. My science brain is rather piqued by what’s happening. I’m also rather proud of how serene and zen I’ve been so far. I really figured I would have cussed out about 16 people so far, some of them multiple times. I don’t even get grumpy giving the kids macaroni and cheese while I eat salad with homemade vinaigrette (because there’s also sugar in F’ing salad dressing).
Who knows? Maybe this motivates me to continue making positive choices after the 30 days are up. Maybe I only have 1 or 2 cheat days a week and stick to the usual plan the rest of the time. Maybe I only allow myself wine on Saturday and Sunday evenings. Whatever I decide, I will need strict rules for myself. Feeling nebulously good about what I was eating was obviously a Fail. Regardless, it’s making me much more aware of what I’ve been eating. Hell, now I even want one of those FitBit things. That would probably be equally as illuminating/motivating.
And don’t worry. I won’t become one of those nutrition nazis/fitness douches.