No Ifs, Ands, or Babies

So I had one of those excruciatingly embarrassing parental moments happen to me today.  To set the scene, Stella’s camp was scheduled to spend the morning at the local zoo followed by a trip to a splash pad at an adjacent park immediately after.  In short, there was no way practically for her to do one without the other, and she can’t do a splash pad.  Ergo, my daughter is spending a day with me here at home while I peruse scintillating groundwater reports.

Will called shortly after leaving to report that he had forgotten his Bluetooth headphones and could I pleasepleaseplease bring them up to his office since it was so close.  Sure, whatever.  So Stella and I hopped in the car on our mission of mercy.

We delivered our payload and were  headed back to the house.  This building has an elevator.  This means that even though it’s only 2 stories, there’s no way in hell your kid is going to let you out of there without at least one elevator ride.  Can I get a “wheeeeeee,” anyone?

Right as we were hopping on the elevator to go back down, 2 older ladies joined us.  One obviously worked there, and recognized Stella as Will’s little girl.  I have no clue who the other one was.  Both were a captive audience, however, as the world’s slowest elevator descended the required 12 feet.  Stella gave them both the blow-by-blow of breaking her arm and her cast and how if she gets it wet moss or mushrooms might grow in it.  Abruptly she stopped her monologue, looked at the older and slightly portlier woman and asked,”Is that a baby in your belly?”

Yeah, don’t let that sweet smile fool you. Not even a little.

Dammit.  Just dammit.

The lady was a good sport and replied that she had had her babies long ago.  I mumbled an apology and wished for death.

I know this shit happens.  But dammit. Would it be bad form to carry around a couple of paper bags in my purse to jam over our faces next time this happens?


About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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16 Responses to No Ifs, Ands, or Babies

  1. It’s bad enough when it happens to you, and you can kick yourself for ever asking the question, but having to cover for your kid, that is the worst. I guess a lesson will be had about never asking a woman that.

  2. flubbedlife says:

    Ha- One of the Coop gals asked me that question before, might have even been Stella – too funny. Better coming from a kid than a grown-up which has happened to me a few times recently as well.

  3. joey says:

    While that’s sad for the lady, prolly, kids just say stuff.
    Now, if YOU ask people that, I will notify the gossip squad and we will all shame you and I will personally shove my mother’s apron in your face all blubbery like 😉 lol

    • larva225 says:

      And I would TOTALLY deserve it and then some!

      • joey says:

        This happens to me now and again, but I don’t get mad at kids. I was in third grade when I asked a teacher if her baby was coming before Christmas and she said “Maybe on Christmas, but you should never talk about a woman’s belly, not unless she tells you there’s a baby there.” I believed her.

      • larva225 says:

        I tried the same conversation in the car as we were leaving the elevator of shame. We’ll see if it takes.

  4. Merbear74 says:

    I’ve had adults ask me that…and my answer is always…”No, I’m just fat.”

    • larva225 says:

      To be fair, I doubt many of us have your sense of humor. I’d probably say the same thing then go home and cry while I drank gin for dinner.

      • Merbear74 says:

        It used to bother me, actually. It’s happened many times over the years because I hold all of my weight in my tummy. (Thin everything else.)
        I just like to see the look of horror on peoples faces. 😀
        I would never say that to a kid, though. I would be nice about it.

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