Fools Brush In

I’d like to begin the week with a public service announcement.  You’re welcome in advance.

Do  not, under any circumstances, buy your young children those cute kitschy toothbrushes with the suction cups on one end.  The presence of a suction cup translates to “toy.”  As you know, “toys” are not always the cleanest, most sanitary items, as “things” are done to them.  Toys walk.  Toys get dropped.  Toys wander away from where they belong.  Toys get stuck places.  Toys get stuck to things with their suction cups, if they have suction cups.  In other words, unspeakable things happen to “toys.”  You do not want unspeakable things to happen to your toothbrushes, ergo there should not be anything toy-like about them.  I realize this flies in the face of current conventional merchandising, in which the more colorful, brightly-lit, vibrating-ier (sorry – not a word, I know), singing, or aromatherapy-spewing a toothbrush is, the more plaque and germs  it’s bound to remove.  I beg to differ.  A toothbrush stuck to the tile wall six inches from the F’ing commode will remove very little plaque and germs.  It may even add some.  Dammit.

Another bathroom-related nightmare I would like to mention – since I seem to have somehow organically created a bathroom rant – F’ing hand dryers.  Especially those super-charged ones.  What do they call them?  Excaliburs?  Excelsiors?   They may as well call them Fujita 5s.  Hellllllooooooo bathroom engineers (is that a thing?).  CHILDREN ARE TERRIFIED OF THESE THINGS.  I sincerely believe that this, in part, is why my son has no interest whatsoever in getting on the potty train.  My evidence is as follows:

Last year we were travelling to the beach to meet Crispi.  We left after work, so much of the 4’ish hour drive occurred at night.  We stopped at one of the last major gas stations on the interstate before turning off onto state highways.  Both kids were mostly asleep, but I couldn’t pass up this final opportunity to make a pit stop, especially for Stella.  While Will was gassing up and doing his thing, I shepherded my offspring into the restroom.   As we were finishing up by the sinks, Felix had the extreme bad luck to wander too close to one of those F’ing hand dryers.

You have to understand, my son was half asleep.  It was late.  And those things are eye level to a 3 year old kid.  I can still hear his terrified screaming.  Will met us at the door, wild-eyed, thinking someone was trying to murder his family.  To this day, I have a very hard time getting Felix to go into a public restroom with me.  He fights.  He cries.  Stella used to be as bad but is finally calming down a bit.   She still won’t use a hand dryer.  She wipes her hands on her clothes.

In short, hand dryers torture young children.

In closing, our weekend was silly.  We demo’d the new and improved foam machine so we can take it to Felix’s school tomorrow.

The foam machine is pretty spectacular.  We had cars stop to see what in the world it was.

The foam machine is pretty spectacular. We had cars stop to see what in the world it was.


Felix can't get enough.

Felix can’t get enough.


He loves the foam so.

He loves the foam so.

I may need a Face Swap intervention.

This is just horrible.  Felix looks like a combination of Michael Jackson and the Tin Man.

This is just horrible. Felix looks like a combination of Michael Jackson and the Tin Man.


Will and I are not exactly a match made in heaven.

Will and I are not exactly a match made in heaven.

Tomorrow Stella loses the cast!!  Fingers crossed we don’t get another one.

Ciao, all.  Have a great Monday.

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About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
This entry was posted in life, Parenting and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Fools Brush In

  1. I never thought of little ones wandering under or into the hand dryers. That sounds horrific. I like the stronger ones because they actually do dry the hands, but I prefer paper towels. When I was young there were long hand towels that were made out of material and spun around in an endless loop. Imagine the germs on that!
    The foam machine looks fun.

    • larva225 says:

      Yeah, the fabric loops are gross! I think they’re extinct now. I tend to have super-dry hands – sometimes eczema- and the hot air is awful for that.
      The foam machine is pretty cool!!!

  2. joey says:

    LMFAO! I can’t get enough of Felix sometimes. I feel terrible laughing at his misery, but gd his faces are funny! So sorry.

    Those hand dryers are awful. I mean, they work great, but the first time I used one, I was like, “HOLY CRAP IT’S AGING ME! THOSE ARE MY GRANDMOTHER’S HANDS! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

    Sorry about your toothbrush incident. Ew.

  3. Put the face swap down and back away. And every other weirdo Snapchat thing that turns your face crazy or makes your face into a puppy.
    And yeah, those dryers are terrifying. I know that paper towels kill trees, but they allow you to dry your hands just as fast and they are a hundred times less terrifying.

    • larva225 says:

      To hell with the trees. And I predict the Snapchat thing is going to get old extremely fast. No worries. No intervention required.

      • I’m a huge opponent of trees. They litter all the time, they are always taking our carbohydrates and they are only useful when we cut them down (paper, wood etc.)

  4. Anxious Mom says:

    Ugh those hand dryers and the automatic toilets, so awful on the ears. LM still freaks out over the hand dryers. That foam machine looks fun!

    • larva225 says:

      I’m so glad my kids aren’t the only ones and I totally forgot to mention the toilets! And drive on over….. I don’t think you’re that far! 😉

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