The Lion, the Switch, and the Wardrobe

You know how we all get these epiphanies in our lives – which seem to come with greater frequency as we get older – when we realize how much our lives, expectations, and goals change?  I think for most of us, it’s not necessarily an entirely happy epiphany.  I’ve been having  lots of these lately.  I’m not sure why.  Maybe it’s in conjunction with a new year (although I’m a notorious scoffer about resolutions).  Regardless, I feel like I’m having one of those mini-Renaissances we all seem to have from time to time.  Some of it’s big things, some of it’s little things.  I just hope it continues.

For instance, I am owning and recognizing how differently my style of parenting is than I ever would have thought.  Hell, I never really thought about it until it was happening.  If you had told me that I’d be all about attachment parenting and co-sleeping, I would have laughed while I punched you in the ear.  Yet here I am.  I guess this is a thing now as we’re having one of those internal domestic spats in which a portion of this is up for discussion.  Essentially, Felix still likes to seek me out at night, usually around 4:00 AM.  Some nights he looks for me much earlier.  Some nights not at all.  But in order not to disturb Will (and to allow the most uninterrupted sleep for the whole household), the Dude and I will snuggle on the couch until either I have to get up for work or the kids start stirring.  Will hates it and thinks I should “pull the bandaid off.”

I don’t want to.  I’ll admit: snuggling with my little boy is one of my greatest joys, and it’s one that is coming to an end fast.  When he curls up against me, he’s all warmth and softness.  There’s none of that rowdy, loud, “pew pew” little boy crap.  He’s still my baby.  So as far as I’m concerned, that bandaid can stay right where it is.  I’ll even buy a new box.

See?  At night he's still and quiet and not covered with dirt and goo.

See? At night he’s still and quiet and not covered with dirt and goo.

Then there’s me.  Like most moms, I’ve let myself go, big time.  Not only is my appearance godawful, I haven’t done anything meaningful for and with myself in about 7 years.  So I started another stint on the Whole 30 Plan on January 2nd.  I have 11 more days to go.  As hard as it is, it feels good to do it.  I’m trying to move around more.  I’m trying to take more care with my appearance.  I read a book.  One that I wanted to read just for fun.  Y’all, that’s huge.  I used to be a voracious reader.  When Stella was born, that stopped.  Sure, I managed to slowly claw my way through the Game of Thrones books, finishing the last one shortly after Felix was born, but that’s it.  Everything else is either a kids book, a book on parenting, or stuff about groundwater contamination.  So dagnabbit (Felix and I both are working on our swearing), I’m making time to read.  I deleted a bunch of those goofy iPhone games which turn into obsessions and time sinks, yet yield nothing of value.  I’m thinking about experimenting with some sewing projects.  I’m knitting Stella a scarf.

And I/we need to shake off cobwebs and start doing more stuff – both productive and just for fun.  Today I’m on absolute cloud 9: I  managed to get Radiohead tickets for New Orleans.  I used to adore going to concerts.  I practically lived in New Orleans’ concert venues for about a decade.  Now?  I haven’t seen a concert since the Cure in 1998.  I’ve gotten rid of most of my old beloved concert shirts.  And dammit, I’m going to buy a Radiohead shirt.  I don’t care what Will says.new2

I’ve got to get productive about being happy.  I’m tired of just eking by.


About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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15 Responses to The Lion, the Switch, and the Wardrobe

  1. Radiohead! Awesome! Got them queued up on Spotify for the ride home tonight 🙂

    Parenting is very much a “throw it on the wall and see what sticks” operation. I’ve already accepted the fact that I have turned into my Dad and am no longer surprised anymore. I do what I think is best for them, it’s all I know how to do.

  2. gracieonmars says:

    My son is seven and he still crawls in bed in the middle of the night almost EVERY night. No boyfriend ever in the last 7 years has found this acceptable. My current partner likes to tease me that he will still be doing it when he is a teenager. He says it’s going to get awkward when he hits puberty 😦

  3. Danielle says:

    Good for you! I’ve only been at this mom thing for a little over 15 months and while I understand I need to take me-time, in reality it’s so much harder to actually do. So do what you need to do for you! Have some fun. Enjoy the concert!

  4. joey says:

    These are things to take inventory on and aspire to, and I’m glad you’re doing that. For some time, you don’t even have a moment’s peace to do it, eh?
    My last concert was when Sassy was in utero. I’m okay with it, but one day, I hope to God I can see U2, who never come here. I’ve seen most everyone I want to (seriously, like you, big concert person) but I wanna see U2, dammit! Hadda cross Prince off my mental list. 😦 He did come here, but I could NEVER afford the tickets, like ever.
    You look fine and good to me.
    For about 3 years, I’d binge read. It gets MUCH, MUCH better when everyone is reading anything independently. 🙂 There are many evenings we all sit here and read.
    I laughed at co-sleeping too. Turns out, I am crazy about co-sleeping. I should write about that.
    You do it as long as you want, cause odds are when he’s 23, he won’t snuggle you, let alone for hours in the morning. If you enjoy it, if it’s rewarding to you and your child, I really can’t emphasize this enough — do it.

    • larva225 says:

      U2 is on my list, too. And I’d love to see Jane’s Addiction (I saw Porno for Pyros…. that’s the closest I’ve come). Music used to be such a huge part of my life. I worked in 2 different record stores while in college – one this really cool indy store. It was great! I’m trying to impart that – or at least my old stuff – to the kids, although I’m sure there’s a swarm of boy bands in my future!

      Your vision of everyone reading st once sounds like Shangri La. I don’t even expect that – just 15 minutes without a “Hey mom! I NEED……!)
      I don’t know why my husband hates the cosleeping. He could sleep through a Cat 3 hurricane (and has). It’s not like the kid will wake him up!

      • joey says:

        Shangri La! LOL It’ll come, one day, betcha.
        It takes forever to get kids fluent in music appreciation, but it’s fun!

  5. Anxious Mom says:

    Enjoy those snuggles with Felix. LM still likes to sleep with us from time to time, as he is a big cuddler, and I enjoy it while I can, because he is rapidly approaching the age where he won’t want to do that. We’ve gotta love on those babies while we can.

    Have fun seeing Radiohead! I’m kinda jealous — one of BG’s songs we play every night is No Surprises.

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