One Is the Onliest Number?

“No, Stewwa!  Nooooooooo!”

That’s the sound I hear just before the true jackassery begins – the chasing around the couch, the screaming, the inevitable injury and associated howling.  This is all very familiar now.  This does not make it any less irritating.

You see, I’ve learned something.  Kids love to fight. They love to fight about supremely dumb shit.  The dumber the better.  My kids fight over who gets to use the red cup, a broken clothespin, a paper clip through which nuts and washers have been affixed (this is currently ongoing, BTW), who is a winner, which is superior – Mighty Machines or Teen Titans Go, who is older, who likes They Might Be Giants more.  If one of them is quietly engaged in something, the other will invariably attempt to join in by attempting to occupy the same square foot of floor space causing the most diabolical and unearthly screeching this side of Hades.  And if it’s a weekend morning and they wake their father up?  All the drama.


I hadn’t expected this.  The squabbling.  The noise.  Will and I both have younger brothers, but in both cases they’re nearly 10 years younger.  In my case, my (half) brother and I rarely lived under the same roof.  I had the best of both worlds: having a sibling yet pretty much being raised an only child.  I experienced a peaceful, serene childhood.   There was no one there to steal my milk or invade my room or burp in my face or fart in my presence just to be irritating or to be angry when it was my birthday and they didn’t get presents, too.  

I certainly didn’t have couch brawling.


(Now they’re arguing about who ate all the cinnamon rolls that we don’t have.)

I often think of how much quieter households with only children must be.

Does this ever stop, or am I in for roughly another 12 years of this deafening nonsense?  

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About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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13 Responses to One Is the Onliest Number?

  1. Ugh. It’s so loud all the time. My boys get along (for the most part), but we’ve had a few VERY rough weeks with so much fighting. One day last week I dropped them off in the car rider line at school as they were decking each other, screeching about the injustice of having a brother. Then when I picked them up that afternoon, it was the same damn thing. One called the other a lunatic; I had to physically get between them while we were walking to the car. It was crazy. I confined them to their rooms & had wine at promptly 4pm. Listening to their crap has to be the most depleting thing ever. I have no advice but I need to figure out something because I WILL nut up if it goes on like this for much longer.

  2. stomperdad says:

    I hear ya loud and clear. My two boys LOVE instigating fights with each other. Sometimes I swear the only reason they fight is so we’ll get mad at them…

  3. Ocean Bream says:

    This is exactly the sort of stuff my mum complains about hahaha. When I was growing up my sister and I were always fighting. Now the younger generation of siblings (my two brothers aged 10 and 12) fight continuously. Twenty three years of kids fighting, it never ends!

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  5. Anxious Mom says:

    “If one of them is quietly engaged in something, the other will invariably attempt to join in by attempting to occupy the same square foot of floor space”

    That made me chuckle. Little Man does not understand personal space and constantly gets up in people’s business (this was listed as a goal for him at school once), while Baby Girl fucking hates for anyone to invade her bubble. So much snapping and snarling happens over this.

  6. joey says:

    So far as I can tell, it doesn’t stop. But as far as I can tell, the more they fight, the closer they are, too.
    I was an only. My mother has always commented on the noise in our house.
    “YOU never carried on like that.”
    Gee, ya think?
    “The older ones just egg on the younger ones! The older one is always just so mean to the younger, no matter who!”
    By this rationale, my mother was mean to her younger siblings while only one was mean to her.
    I don’t know. It’s just that way. I don’t have siblings, so I can’t claim to know it’s okay, but it does seem okay, because they love just as fiercely.

  7. Andrew says:

    This comment won’t help, but there is a reason I only have one child at home. I remembered all the crap my younger brother and I did and how often it was just totally dumb crap. It does end…. eventually. They’ll have great stories to share when they are parents about how stupid the stuff was that they fought about when they were kids though 🙂

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