“Just you wait. When you potty train your son, pee will get everywhere.”
“Yeah, right,” I thought to myself, thinking this was yet another know-it-all trying to overshare. Fortunately, this sort of thing seems to come way more infrequently the older the kids get. But every once in a while you get someone….
Fast-forward a year or so. Felix is finally potty trained. For the first time in over 6 years I’m not changing anyone’s damn diaper. Can I get a hallelujah? And after that one awful weekend when he shat himself in public no fewer than 4 times, it has all been so easy! Only one accident at school. Only 2 oopsies at night. It’s been amazing. And let me tell y’all something: this is not one of those rites of passage that as a mom makes me teary and miss my “wittle babies.” Hell no. This is liberation.
Then I noticed something. The kids’ bathroom started to reek. At first I thought it was one of those stupid cats again. I never found a puddle. I washed the bathmat. I mopped the floor and Lysol wiped the hell out of the commode. It helped, for about an hour. There is pee in that bathroom somewhere and it is hiding from me. I’ve cleaned compulsively. I’ve rubbed my face over the bathmat (which has just been washed but still). I’m so pissed. It’s like Felix has managed to aerosolize his urine and has soaked the very fabric of the house with it.
To make matters worse, Stella has taken it upon herself to be the potty cheerleader/peanut gallery. She has apparently noticed that unlike “real” big boys, Felix sits down to pee. Last night I had to sprint into their bathroom to keep her from yanking her brother to his feet mid-wee. I tried to explain to her that all boys start peeing sitting down, and that Felix was a bit too short to effectively pee standing up. I don’t think she gets it.
In other news, I’m excited to report that my tribe will be camping soon. The kids are beside themselves. Hell, so am I. I’ve been Pinteresting the hell out of camping stuff, and we just found an amazing Cadillac of a tent at Voldemart. Sure, we’ve done cabin camping, but a big part of me still thinks that’s cheating – and expensive. If this upcoming trip goes well, it will really expand our perimeter as far as travel goes. We can start to do more, see new places. Now if only my family can keep their act together….
It’s Mardi gras time down here. We didn’t even make it to a single parade this year. Honestly, I just can’t get that excited about plastic beads. Regardless, if you’re into it, laissez les bon temps rouler!