We Pee Kings

“Just you wait.  When you potty train your son, pee will get everywhere.”

“Yeah, right,” I thought to myself, thinking this was yet another know-it-all trying to overshare.  Fortunately, this sort of thing seems to come way more infrequently the older the kids get.  But every once in a while you get someone….

Fast-forward a year or so.  Felix is finally potty trained.  For the first time in over 6 years I’m not changing anyone’s damn diaper.  Can I get a hallelujah?  And after that one awful weekend when he shat himself in public no fewer than 4 times, it has all been so easy!  Only one accident at school.  Only 2 oopsies at night.  It’s been amazing.  And let me tell y’all something: this is not one of those rites of passage that as a mom makes me teary and miss my “wittle babies.” Hell no.  This is liberation.

Then I noticed something.  The kids’ bathroom started to reek.  At first I thought it was one of those stupid cats again.  I never found a puddle.  I washed the bathmat.  I mopped the floor and Lysol wiped the hell out of the commode.  It helped, for about an hour.  There is pee in that bathroom somewhere and it is hiding from me.  I’ve cleaned compulsively.  I’ve rubbed my face over the bathmat (which has just been washed but still).  I’m so pissed.  It’s like Felix has managed to aerosolize his urine and has soaked the very fabric of the house with it.

To make matters worse, Stella has taken it upon herself to be the potty cheerleader/peanut gallery.  She has apparently noticed that unlike “real” big boys, Felix sits down to pee.  Last night I had to sprint into their bathroom to keep her from yanking her brother to his feet mid-wee.  I tried to explain to her that all boys start peeing sitting down, and that Felix was a bit too short to effectively pee standing up.  I don’t think she gets it.

In other news, I’m excited to report that my tribe will be camping soon.  The kids are beside themselves.  Hell, so am I. I’ve been Pinteresting the hell out of camping stuff, and we just found an amazing Cadillac of a tent at Voldemart.  Sure, we’ve done cabin camping, but a big part of me still thinks that’s cheating – and expensive.  If this upcoming trip goes well, it will really expand our perimeter as far as travel goes.  We can start to do more, see new places.  Now if only my family can keep their act together….

It’s Mardi gras time down here.  We didn’t even make it to a single parade this year.  Honestly, I just can’t get that excited about plastic beads.  Regardless, if you’re into it, laissez les bon temps rouler!

EPee phone home?


About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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10 Responses to We Pee Kings

  1. Andrew says:

    Men’s rooms always smell like pee; not sure we ever learn quite how to pee correctly. I’m aware that this doesn’t help in the least and I apologize in advance πŸ™‚

    My family loves camping, I’m still on the fence and would prefer glamping. I got a thing about only having a super thin barrier of nylon between me and the creepy crawlies.

  2. joey says:

    Bonnes fetes!
    At age eight, I gave the boy one the chore of cleaning the kid bathroom. It became not his chore when he moved out.
    I must agree with Andrew — in those times I can’t wait and opt for the men’s room, it does always smell like pee.

    Camping is something we miss, and look forward to doing when The Mister graduates and time is given back to us. In the meantime, enjoy it for me! πŸ™‚

  3. Anxious Mom says:

    I’m laughing so hard at this post. Especially Stella trying to help him with his business πŸ˜€

    I hate to be the “just wait” person, but just wait until he stands and tries doing it with no hands, seeing how far back he can make it from, and angling in such a way to test whether he can make his stream write letters in the air.

  4. Pingback: Month In Review | All In A Dad's Work

  5. Pingback: #MyFirstPostRevisited (AKA Snoozefest) | That's What Anxious Mom Said

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