Ax Me No Questions…

Another Easter is in the books.  As you might expect, it was a long and sometimes long 3 day weekend.  Will kept getting yanked into work, meaning it was pretty much me and the kids for the duration.  What’s worse is that since Will was “working,” noise was not tolerated in the house.  I had to get creative and find stuff to do outside.  That’s ok but gets kind of exhausting after a while.

On Friday I finally managed to convince my son to get a haircut (after telling the kids we’d go outdoor toy shopping with ice cream cones to follow in the afternoon).  He was surprisingly mellow about it.  He looks like a different dude.  We also stopped at the Magic Plant Store (a.k.a. a nursery) to get a container to make a “succuwent” garden.  We had the succuwents already (although I let them each pick out a new small one) plus a huge pile of Precious rocks and minerals (mostly pyrite) we collected during a rock and gem event at a local swamp.  Don’t ask.  We stopped at Target for outdoor toys.  I have a whole other post coming about that.  I met my rubber nemesis.

See? His hair had gotten so long I could make these epic bunny ear ponytails. Ponytails were the only way he could “see pwoperly.”

We pioneered our new giant inflatable pool  for about 10 minutes (until Felix discovered how easy it was to yank the air ports open – the damn thing deflated in about 45 seconds, sending water everywhere).  The kids discovered that it still really is too chilly to play outside in water.  Mom knows her shit sometimes, no?  At one point on Saturday, I had run to Voldemart to get milk when Will called to find out  if the kids were “too cold.”  No one had blue lips – only violent trembling.  They were already back inside when I got home.

Then it was Sunday – Bunny Day.  Recognizing that Sir Bunny had been way too extravagant these past – ohhhh, I don’t know – 6 Easters, we asked that he scale back.  Each kid got a fun “container”, a main “toy,” and candy.  Stella got a new lunch box for school/camp and a skateboard.  She’s been begging for one since her brother got one for his birthday.  Felix got a toolbox and a Swiss Army Ax.  No, it’s not made by the actual Swiss Army company.  But it’s a small ax with a hammer on the other side, with all sorts of folding tools in the handle, and by tools I mean mostly tools for the purpose of murder/mayhem.  There are TWO serrated saws, a knife, a “scraper,” plus your run of the mill screwdrivers.

The unveiling of the ax.

Understand, Will saw this when we were out at one of those random places that sells shit way cheap to liquidate it.  You can find Ralph Lauren bedding next to a Sharper Images back scratcher.  That kind of place.  Well, Will saw the ax and thought Felix would LOVE it.  Now, normally I’m the shopper of the family.  I see things that I think people would like and I squirrel them away.  I’ve very rarely seen Will do this sort of thing.  So against my better judgement, I encouraged him to buy it for his son for Easter.  In my defense, I didn’t look closely at all the little dewhickeys stuck in the handle.  I saw ax.  Will said it had a rubber guard on it, and he could file it down if need be.  We bought the ax.

And see once upon a time? I’d think “A lizard! How cute!” Now? I secretly wonder where he put his ax.

Both kids were elated with their “baskets.”  Stella was sweet and cute and acted like a non-spoiled brat (as opposed to her performance at Xmas).  Felix was beaming.  He had AN AX.   “I GOT AN AX, MYMOM!!”  Yes, son.  You did.  You got a fucking ax.

See? Not an ingrate. Score!

I must be crazy.  We gave our son an ax for Easter.  Even with the sharp blades, it’s still an emergency room visit waiting to happen.  And we gave Stella a skateboard??  My only solace there is that she’s currently too freaked out by lovebugs to want to be outside much, and maybe by the time art camp/spring break is over she will have forgotten about it?  Maybe?  But Felix?  No chance.  The ax is Precious.  I had to threaten him with immediate ax removal if he tried to sleep with it.

He threatened to cut down every tree he came across.

While admiring how it glints in the sun…..

No not to cut this short (har har),but back to my Monday.  Hang in there, y’all.  Monday will be over with before you know it.



About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
This entry was posted in life, Parenting and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Ax Me No Questions…

  1. Erika says:

    So, the year y’all scaled back at Easter may end up costing you the most in doctor visits by the end of the year 😉 I got my dad that same ax for Christmas — he loved it, too.

    Felix really does look like a different kid! He looks so grown up. ❤

  2. joey says:

    We’ve never oversold baskets… but we have this new quandary… We let the older kids have baskets for so long because the littles were still getting them… and now we don’t know how or when to un-basket them… Should they get baskets until they go off to college? Is that a thing? I think we stopped around 16 for Sissy, which means the boy was 18…

    So glad Stella has found her gratitude again 🙂
    Felix is still tote dorbs, and you’re off the hook for the ponytails. What will you do with all your free time?!? Pick up beheaded fleurs? Oh boy. An ax. Phew!

    • larva225 says:

      I’ve always basketed my husband- even if it was just a big bag of AirHeads or something. This year I plum forgot. He’s always fussed at me for doing it, anyway, so it’s not like he was hurt, but I felt bad…

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