You know how from time to time I identify stuff that I’m just not very good at? Doing hair, gift wrapping, and pumpkin carving stick out. Try as I might, I’m just completely unskilled at these things. Well y’all, I have found a new addition to the list: hat making.
As I mentioned in my last post, there’s been a lot going on – and a lot of extra stuff on top of the usual stuff. Stuff is everywhere. One of my extra stuffs was making myself a Mother’s Day hat to wear to tea at Stella’s school. They sent home template ideas where you cut out the center of a paper plate and then tape stuff to it. Y’all know I can’t do that, right? In my mind’s eye I had a vision: a nice wide-brimmed hat crafted by hand with flowers. Only instead of flowers, I wanted to use pinwheels. Someone had just given us 3 or 4 of them, so it was perfect timing. The pinwheels would be mounted such that they could spin as I walked. Glorious, no?
It started well enough. I made a band and brim using zip ties, pipe cleaners and tape. From there, I made a cage out of wire for the top. Then I papier-mâchéd the whole shebang. Then I spray-painted it white so that I would have a blank canvas. So far, so good.
Then I tried it on and Oh. My. Glob. Either my head grew fatter over the course of 3 days or I seriously underestimated the amount thickness that the papier and the paint and the tape would add. The hat perched merrily atop my head. I tried to jam it down to make it fit and Oh. My. Glob again. Pontius Pilate and the Romans could have used this thing during crucifixions if they ever ran out of thorn bushes. I actually checked my scalp for lacerations when I took it off. It was unusable. I had wasted 3 days along with a zillion zip ties.
The clock was ticking fast, with under 48 hours until tea time. That meant no more mâché-ing as there was no time to allow for drying. And despite all this, there was no way in hell that I was making a paper plate hat. Just no. What’s a mom to do? Get busy with pipe cleaners.
If there is ever a contest for most obnoxious pipe cleaner hat, I win. Let’s just hope it holds together during tea.