I’m in an odd place today.  Maybe it’s the delay of breakfast and caffeine earlier.  I had to do one of those health screening things this morning where you go in fasting.  This old gal is in pretty good shape.  BP, sugar, cholesterol all good.  Even my liver enzymes were in the solid green range.  So obviously I can drink wine with impunity.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Will picked up an old typewriter at the Take Apart Store. But rather than take it apart, they’ve been “typing” and fighting over it.

Stella right after I busted her for shoving her little brother out of the way. Jackassery, I tell you.

I think part of it is this summer thing.  The wheels are starting to come off the cart at this point.  Poor Stella is just done.  I knew the camp-hopping was going to get to her and it has.  Even though she’s in a familiar place this week, she’s starting to fall apart a bit.  She’s tired of holding her shit together.  My mom gut is in knots.  We were going to send her to yet another camp – just one more – next week, but I just can’t.  She just can’t.  I never had to do what I’m expecting her to do.  Neither did Will.  We weren’t expected to adapt to a new place, staff, and group of kids every single week when we were 6 years old.

Stella isn’t so great at articulating how she feels about things, but I can tell she’s anxious.  She asks me quite often what is next, then what after that, and then what about school.  I can tell she gets agitated during these discussions.

Will and I aren’t on the same parental page, or at least it doesn’t feel like it.  He’s more of a tough love kind of parent.  I’m more mama bear.  I want to protect my kid.  I want her to have fun and be happy and comfortable.  I don’t want to send her into situations where she’s more than likely going to fall on her face – where the expectations aren’t reasonable.  He thinks she needs to learn to adapt – to toughen up.  I agree, but adaptation by nature is a slow process.  That extra bit of conflict doesn’t help the way I’m feeling about it.  Maybe it’s naive, but I would love to have him just say “it’s ok, we’ll handle this,” and help me figure out what the hell we can do.

And my brain hurts, y’all.  I’m so tired of the schedule-wrangling, trying to figure out where she can be and how the Dude fits in, and who can fill in or be available as back-up.  What is plan B? Shit, what is plan D?  What about work?  Can I take her to work so I don’t burn up my leave?  How long can I reasonably expect her to keep her shit together at my office before she starts bothering people?  How long before my boss gets pissed?  I feel very alone with most of this.

Felix’s favorite seat in the house.

But hey.  We’re having a tea party at work on Friday.  It was my idea.  We’re all mad here.  May as well embrace that shit, oui?

Stella has been taking swimming lessons, which is good as the girl is absolutely fearless around water.  She’s doing awesome.  This past weekend, I was working on a crossword while she had her lesson.  I would glance down for the briefest of seconds and *boom* she’d have back-paddled halfway down the pool.  I felt a lot of gratitude at that moment – that A) she’s fearless, although to be fair, that can be a double-edged sword, and B) that there are people out there that are gifted in whatever discipline and are willing and able to teach others.  As her mom, I like to think I can teach my kid just about everything she needs to know (for now), but I gotta be honest: while I know how to swim, it’s ugly.

Felix getting a crash course on the balance beam at a recent birthday party

Peonies.  I want some.  I think they’re beautiful but apparently it gets too damn hot here for them to grow well.

Clearly I need more caffeine.

And we’re all just dyeing over here…


About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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7 Responses to Scatterday

  1. Merbear74 says:

    They’re growing like weeds!
    From what I can see, you’re a great mom. And drink that wine! 🍷

  2. joey says:

    I agree that being that adaptable is not for all kids, and probably not for Stella, and there’s a line in which tough-love turns into trauma. Sometimes they’re just not up for it until they’re the ones asking for the experiences themselves. But that’s my two cents, and you didn’t ask.
    Rough deal on childcare for the summer, that’s what we have in the US.
    Swimming is awesome. We’re going to join the Y and start swimming. While I’m not a pool person, it’s the only viable option when you live up here.

    As for the peonies… How experienced are you with gardening? Does it freeze at all there? Because in the same way a great gardener can sometimes get a magnolia to grow and bloom here, there’s probably a way to grow peonies there. Like morning light only, east side light in an exposed location. But without a freeze, you probably wouldn’t get blooms.

    • larva225 says:

      Dude, we had TWO nights below 32 this past “winter.” Hence, my hesitation. And I’m a geologist. Rocks and fossils I can do. Living things other than my kids and cats….. We do have glorious camellias down here. Not quite the same, but kinda the same feel??? (And hugs again, BTW!)

  3. Erika says:

    Wish I could send you a crate of wine and all the chocolate for Stella (or whatever she likes to eat/drink as comfort food). ❤

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