We have made it. Stella has survived Summer Camp Season 2017. For the next 2.5 weeks, she will be with one of her parents or grandparents. Togetherness. Oh yeah.
The particular camp she just finished culminated every week with a “talent show.” Y’all. It was so awful. Those things are without a doubt the most painful things I have sat through as a parent thus far.
For the most part, these were nerd kids. This was not a group you would see featured on Fame or Glee. With a few glaring exceptions, none of these children needed to be allowed anywhere near a stage. Add in a handful of young, “hip” counselors who enjoy introducing kids to unfamiliar and horrible pop music and you have a new level of hell that Dante himself would be horrified by.
The first week, Stella “sang.” Despite my misgivings, that was probably the least-awful “talent” she chose to exhibit. She composed an original song. It was very short. Hence the “least-awful” part. The next two weeks she chose to be a “dancer.” Her “dancing” made Elaine Benes look like Anna freaking Pavlova.
Her first week “dancing,” she performed to some horrendous song about a cheerleader. Yesterday it was to something about whipping a nae nae. Y’all, this shit made me feel like Archie Bunker. What does it mean? What the living hell is a nae nae?
My daughter is amazing and she is talented. Her talents are not something you can package and put on a stage. It doesn’t help that she refuses to take artistic direction. She will/would not consider suggestions such as actually attempting any sort of choreography. As such, I was the only parent in the room not taking pictures or videos. My dad would beg me each week to send him a video. I refused. I wanted no evidence of these “talent shows.”
I know. I’m an asshole. And I’m already scheming about next year. We may be learning some magic tricks before next summer. If I find a sparkly top hat, I can probably sell it to her. Just please, glob, no dancing or singing or naeing.