I can feel anxiety creeping up on me. It’s fairly diffuse but I can feel it getting stronger. It’s all kid-related and due to the imminent changes.
Today will be the last day I pick Felix up from his play school. This is the place we found after things went so badly at the Stepford Academy, when we didn’t know what to do with Stella or if she would ever fit in anywhere. She thrived there. I had 2 years where I didn’t have to worry about her during the day Monday through Friday. Felix slid in there as well once he turned 1. Neither of my kids ever cried when we dropped them off, or came running to us as if they had been tortured by mean little elves all day when we picked them up. They were happy there. They were allowed – encouraged – to be themselves. Just a few days ago I went to pick the Dude up, and he had built a giant “machine” which took up about 25% of his classroom; it was taller than I was. The other kids were kept away and asked to not mess with Felix’s creation. His new “big kid” school – the same one Stella attends – doesn’t have anything at all to build with on the playground. I feel sad for my son. He’s about to have to grow up a whole lot; I fear his new world won’t be as magical as the one he’s used to traveling in right now.
So yeah. I guess I’m pretty sad about that.
And there’s the impending set of “new” barrelling towards Stella. Sure, she is probably very ready to get back into some kind of routine. But her new teacher – no matter how highly-recommended – is unknown to her, to me. Those will be an anxious few weeks, waiting for her to settle down and settle in. The doubts and “what ifs” enter in. What if Stella and this new teacher don’t gel? What if she gets discouraged? What if she stops working so hard and ceases to care about principal’s lists and student of the month awards? I’m so tired. I get even more tired thinking about all of this but can’t stop. On one hand I want to stop the clock. On the other I want to just fast-forward 3 weeks and get to a place where things have sorted themselves out.
So I guess I’m feeling maudlin. I suppose this is a feeling most parents have at the beginning of any new school year. My feelings may be enhanced by some of our earliest “firsts” and the drama that went along with them. Next Friday – the first day my little boy goes to big kdi school – I’ll probably be a mess. Raising these little people is hard.
I know they’ll both be ok. Kids are resilient, or so they say. As for me, there’s wine. Lots and lots of it.
Have a good weekend, y’all.