Never Let Them See You Threat

The top of my refrigerator: where we keep our cereal, bulk food/paper towel storage, and a penal colony for the toys of misbehaving children.  Do you have a place like that at your house?  Please tell me I’m not alone.

Let’s face it.  Little kids can be difficult to reach sometimes.  All the gentle, firm lip service only does so much.  Time outs can often feel like a time for quiet meditation, or more likely a strategy session for the next wave of jackassery.  Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures, such as the sight of a favorite toy looking forlornly at you from atop the fridge.

I give warnings.  Do I ever!  At the onset of pretty much any activity, I caution my darling children that there shall be “no _______ drama.”  I don’t want crayon drama, or cup colors drama, or popsicle drama.  I don’t want kinetic sand drama, play-doh drama, bubble drama.  But do y’all want to know something?  Almost invariably they give me drama.  I don’t understand this.  I even make them repeat after me: “mom doesn’t want any ______ drama.”  It’s no use.

I’m generally not for corporal punishment.  Like at all.  So when that’s not typically part of your arsenal and all the usual stuff you’re supposed to do as a disciplinarian falls short, what’s left?

For me, it’s absurd threats.  I don’t even mean for that to happen, but this weekend alone I’ve threatened to pop every balloon in the whole world and break all the crayons in the house.  No.  Not my finest parenting moments to be sure.  I think that sometimes subconsciously I say that stuff to make sure anyone at all is listening. Maybe I’m forgetting to say shit out loud?  Maybe I’ve gotten so good at fussing about people under my breath that I’ve adopted that method of speech?  But most of the time the little creeps don’t hear me.  So top of the fridge it is.  Until I can come up with some other method of mom-intimidation. 

Poppy’s appearance in this blog post should be in no way considered a commentary on her character

About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
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10 Responses to Never Let Them See You Threat

  1. Victo Dolore says:

    We also have a penal colony for toys of misbehaving children. I also am a fan of forced labor as a form of punishment for errant children. Mwahahhaha!!!!

  2. Terri says:

    Are you kidding me?!!! Of course this was used! At one time there were so many toys on the fridge they were forces to actually read a book. And popping a balloon? Once upon a time, my two darlings were fighting over an old helium filled balloon. I had enough. Took said balloon to the back door and set it free (wishing it would take me with it!). Yes, I felt extremely guilty when I looked at the SHOCKED expressions on their faces, but–for a little while–when I said stop, things STOPPED!!!!

  3. joey says:

    The top of the china cabinet is recessed. The ‘toys’ change over the years, but the place has not. The ‘children’ are unaware of the space, as I make frequent commentary about SPIDERS who live and nest there. Like their grandma, I encourage a certain amount of spiders… you know, for where the cats can’t reach 😉
    Recently, Moo’s makeup bag spent some time up there, because I had given ample warnings about how the main bathroom vanity isn’t actually a Sephora testing counter.
    I find that removing preciouses has proven effective. Particularly for teenage girls. They’re a motivated group when it comes to non-essential items they view as essential. Also, there’s a lot of stuff they want money for, and they’re too young for jobs. If they want to live in the lifestyle they’re accustomed to, then it is suggested they keep their grades high, do chores with pleasure, and if they must have drama, to do it quietly in whatever end of the house we are not.
    You know we have a lot of fun over here, it’s a real shame when people can’t partake in the fun. Home, without wifi, how sad.
    It gets better 🙂 I’m just sayin.

  4. Erika says:

    I don’t have a penal colony, but I do tend to stash things in random out of reach or sight places. Unfortunately for the kids, I usually forget where I’ve stashed whatever was taken, so when it’s time to get it back, they’re still punished because I don’t know where the damn thing is.

    Threatening to break their crayons made me crack up. 😀

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