You know that old saying about how sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees? I’ve had a parental version of that in the last 24 hours. I suppose I tend to be incredibly detail-oriented. I’m not sure if that’s because my entire family has ADHD and I’m the lone non-er (I would never say “normal”) meaning I kinda always have to be on top of shit or if that just comes naturally. I guess what I’m trying to say is that often I’m so worried about everything and trying to plan 16 steps ahead with predictions for various outcomes which may or may not snowball into drama, tantrums, or other varieties of bad behavior or trauma that sometimes I tend not to be the most present person. Is there such a thing as ADCP: Attention Deficit due to Contingency Planning?
Twice in the last 24 hours I was slapped upside my own head by the realization that “Damn! This is truly getting easier! Those people were not, in fact, full of shit when they told me that.” For instance, I took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese and actually had an ok time. This is a Camp Oui Oui/Mom week, so I figured I’d run them out there to burn some energy. I was certain it would be disastrous, as many local camp groups go there for field trips. Nope. We had the whole place to ourselves. And now that they have the whole front gate/hand stamp procedure, I can actually let Stella just go play. Felix, too, although he usually likes to stay close to me. But it was easy. I didn’t get overwhelmed or stressed one single time. Granted, I still want nothing to do with that place on a weekend afternoon while 16 different children are having their birthday parties simultaneously, but random Thursdays are not bad. I just kicked back in an only-slightly-greasy booth. I never in a million years would have been able to do that – or even tried unless another adult was present – a year or two ago.
I mean look: they’re not acting like assholes…
…unlike this piece of work in the parking garage. It’s ok. I pointed out their bad behavior for them.
This morning as I got up for work, I realized that more often than not now I wake myself up about 5 minutes before my alarm. My kids actually sleep “in” now. In their own beds. Almost every night. I really don’t think I believed that that would happen. Like ever.
I know I’m still in the trenches. But sometimes the mortars aren’t exploding so close.
Now I’ve done it. My children will probably serve me an extra-large serving of jackassery tonight. But that’s ok. Tomorrow will probably be easier.