A Kong Day’s Journey Into Night

I’m not going to lie: it’s been a rough few days. We’re one of those modern households with a cut cord, meaning we do everything via the internet. Without the net to power our Roku and devices, there is no Spongebob, no Dinotrux, no Supernatural (Team Dean/Cass). After working wonderfully all day, late Thursday afternoon our internet died.

I was cooking dinner when I first noticed something wrong: an AT&T tech wandering across our yard looking up, obviously tracing a line. The kids were at Oui Oui’s for a few days – both a blessing and a curse, as Stella would have known the exact second service ended. We could have wrasseled that AT&T guy to the ground and made him fix us, tout de suite. As such, we didn’t notice for about an hour after he left our neighbor’s house (the Desperate Housewife). We thought it may be one of those service blinks, so I went to bed early, figuring all would be right in the morning. Nope.

Will did an online chat with AT&T the next day. We got the usual canned spiel about how if it was an inside problem we would be responsible for at minimum a $90 call and yada yada yada oh, and what was our phone number so we could talk about AT&T services. Nope. Just the services we already have and pay for that aren’t working, thanks. How about a Monday evening service call – their first available?

Oh. Hell. No.

What y’all need to understand is that this is July in Louisiana. We were facing what the local weather folks were calling “the hottest weekend of the year,” with a heat advisory issued Friday morning for the entire weekend. I have 2 kids and no cable/satellite. No cartoons. No YouTube. Glob help me. I started looking at hotels. I really did. At least there one can have internet and a pool and breakfast….

Poor Will ventured out early Saturday to cut our grass which is when he discovered the root of our problem: our cable had been cut. In the back corner of our backyard (Desperate Housewife’s side) is a utility pole. Our cable comes down the side of this pole. It was a clean cut, roughly head-height. The damn Gorilla had cut our line and run inside to hide like a bitch, leaving 2 branches on the ground where they still sit.

Well, here’s your problem, ma’am.

Explanation: the Desperate Housewife is a cute teeny little thing. About 2 years ago, this huge, hulking hairy dude started coming around. I’ve never heard him say complete words, only monosyllables. He’s like bloody King Kong next to Fay Wray. They ultimately got hitched. See? Desperate. I told you. Anyway, their backyard had gotten rather Heart of Darkness (so has ours – I’ll not judge on that). We think overgrown tree branches broke their line. He frantically went to cutting to fix or alleviate the issue. He cut our line and ran inside. AT&T came out, fixed their problem by running a patch cable across their yard. Their problem was solved. Ours was just beginning.

Will feels certain there’s no way he cut a cable and didn’t realize it. He could have at least come over and told us – apologized. We could have at least gotten a jump on getting it fixed vs finding out ourselves on a Saturday when AT&T weekend staffing is short.

At least it’s Sunday and I can go to work tomorrow where there is blessed internet. The togetherness and jackassery have become more than I can bear.

And if you have any good asshole neighbor pranks? Let me know. As if their 3 shitty chihuahuas weren’t enough, I’m now out for blood. They will pay.

I did get to hang out with Ursula at a showing of the Little Mermaid Friday night. Inspiration! Those poor unfortunate souls…

About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
This entry was posted in life, Parenting and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to A Kong Day’s Journey Into Night

  1. Anxious Mom says:

    Ugh, what an ass! Post some fliers around the neighborhood about a social she’s hosting. Set off firecrackers. Send her a glitter bomb. Dump some dead fish under a bush that would be hard for her to see.

  2. joey says:


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