Spew Hot, Spew Furious

I gotta unload, y’all.

Felix did not “pass” his test to get back into the magnet school.  Just like last year, I’m devastated for him and for all of us.  I really thought we had it this time.  He’s done so well – straight “outstandings” in school.  He’s settled down in class.  Behavior charts all show green.  We’ve been working first grade exercises – and even some second grade – on this computer program that the school likes to use.  He has worked so very hard.  But he’s not good enough, according to some random bullshit test.  What was craziest of all was that it was his math score that did him in.  I even called to make sure there wasn’t some error.  He has a math/science brain.  There had to be some malfunction.  Nope.

I’m so fucking angry about this.  My freshly-turned 6 year old boy is brilliant.  I don’t care what some test says.  Oh, and let’s not forget that with ADHD, kids often don’t “test well.”  It’s fabulous that this is the only criteria with which we choose to measure and place them.  I’ve never seen another 6 year old carry a ziploc bag of rhizomes to school to illustrate that seeds are not the only way plants can reproduce.  He’s the only one I know that can name most of the major index fossils of the Paleozoic.  This morning he was looking at his periodic table blanket and wanted to watch a YouTube video about it.  He had breakfast with Mendeleev.  He’s 6.  And he’s not “smart enough” to be a magnet kid.

He created a miniature museum and organized his collection with proper labels. He’s clearly a dummy.

Our education system is seriously fucked up.  This is wrong on so very many levels.  And I know my son is not the only one out there by far.  Who knows how many brilliant kids are being cast aside because the powers that be choose to look at such a narrow sliver of a kid’s potential performance – and all this despite a mountain of evidence to the contrary regarding different types of intelligence.

So I’m sad.  I’m pissed off.  I want to cry, scream, punch someone in the fucking throat.  And I’m tired.  It feels like everything is a fight.

So I’m trying to pull up my big girl panties yet again and rally for another year – another year of 2 schools with the same schedule, 2 sets of teachers and support staff, 2 sets of school fundraisers, colliding programs and assemblies, another magnet application in the fall, waiting on another letter telling us if he even gets a shot at taking the test, another test, another wait on results.  And if that goes poorly – as it has twice now – another day sitting stunned at my desk trying not to cry like a wuss at work, frantically Googling charter and private schools just to see if maybe something new and workable is out there.

The above paragraph is rather petty.  That’s all about me.  The worst thing is him.  How do I tell him he didn’t work hard enough when he really did – for months.  He now knows that Stella’s school is better than where he is.  They get cool perks – travelling farms, StarLab.  They get field trips.  He gets the bare bones.  While I was in the magnet office waiting for him to finish testing, they got a phone call: the local STEM magnet high school was inviting the kindergarten classes to come tour their robotics lab.  Felix belongs there.

I also worry about the kids he’s with now.  These are kids who aren’t necessarily raised the way he has been.  They’ve been exposed to things I don’t think children should be exposed to.  They’re rougher.  There are fights in the older grade levels.  I guess it’s a really good thing he’s in jiu jitsu.  It may actually pay off in a real world setting.  I’m scared for him.  He is a sweet little boy.

I know y’all probably get sick of reading my ranting and raving.  It’s tiresome.  It is for me, too.  My kids should have the same opportunities; there is a huge disparity in the experiences they’re having.  All children should have these same opportunities.  It’s criminal that the system sets them up for failure rather than success.

About larva225

Working mom. Is there any other kind? Geologist. Nerd.
This entry was posted in life, Parenting and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Spew Hot, Spew Furious

  1. Andrew says:

    I share in your pure hot parental fury for wanting the best for our children in an otherwise fucked up educational system. My daughter is intelligent as well, to the point where at 12 is aware that she can game the testing to get a 129 when you need a 131 to get into the gifted program. We told this to the tester after the fact and she said “I can see her doing that.” The daughter doesn’t want to be singled out as “smart” with her peers but in the same breath will say “I don’t need friends.” Yeah, I’m confused, angry, pissed, frustrated, disappointed. All I can say is keep fighting and be the advocate that won’t be silenced. The school system wants parents to be silent and just go away, the ones who aren’t eventually get what they want. I’m attacking the school board right now, one member at a time. I refuse to be silenced 😠

    • larva225 says:

      Rage on! Last year I emailed school board members – at the state and local level- as well as the superintendent of school. They were all very nice in that soothing “shut the fuck up and get out of my hair” kind of way. They’ll likely be hearing from me again. What else can I do, other than schedule yet another round of gifted testing and hope it goes better.
      Here in the deep south, we excel at being last on all the “best of” education lists. It’s next level.
      Fuck these people, and good luck to you!

  2. joey says:

    First, you must breathe.
    Then you must realize that YOU are, and will for many more years, be his REAL educator. Then you must accept and try to take consolation in the fact that he is on his own journey and he is destined for greatness that may not tick your particular boxes.
    Things that can happen: He could drop out of pre-med to marry a hot dog vendor, have two babies in two years, and then decide to go to pastry school. If I can get through that, you can get through this. Also, pastry is nom. I eat pastry more than I visit the dr.
    I know it’s much easier in hindsight, a place where mothers of young children don’t get to live, but I promise you the big picture is not based on this one thing. I say that with hugs and a fresh G&T, okay?
    Now, when Sassy was testing for gifted here in Indy, we got here when she was in 5th grade, she didn’t make it cause spots. As in, she tested above some kids already placed and her arrival in March was not ideal. Kid then took honor classes and now it’s AP classes. The world gets larger as they get older, more options, more possibilities.
    This being said, Fight the Power and all that, but clearly your baby boy is not ruined for life. You must breathe. You’re a good mom, he’s a good kid — you’re probably both too good for the school system, but like, all the love and support — that’s the stuff.

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