Once again I’ve reached one of those parental milestones, albeit a subtle one. I think my children – especially Stella – and I have spring fever/end of year burnout. And yes, as much as I have and still do bitch about summers and what to do with my kids and how the lack of routine has appalling results (and it does), I’m still pretty much ready for school to be done with a big fat old letter D.
Exhibit A: My daughter’s behavior
She’s just kind of been an asshole lately. I mean, I hate saying that about my kid, but it’s really the best word in my vocabulary to describe it. There’s whining, bitching, occasional minor deliberate look-me-in-the-eye-while-doing-what-I-just-damn-well-told-you-not-to-do defiance, and arguing. Getting through homework gets me more anguished howls than Vlad the Impaler ever evoked. Last night we actually had a disagreement over whether or not homework could kill a kid for real.
I will interject here that this one is hard for me. I fundamentally agree with her. The homework is insane for a 7 year old kid. Philosophically I disagree with a whole lot of what goes down in early education. But I can’t do a damn thing about it other than make my kid do her f’ing homework and listen to her bitch about it.
Everything is just so dramatic. Moo-ooom, you were allowed free dress every day? You didn’t have these stupid old uniforms? That’s not fair! She may as well never go out to recess again because Girl 1 wouldn’t give her a turn on the spinny thing and now Girl 2 won’t give her a turn either so she just hates recess, it’s the worst ever. I’ve actually started looking into whether 7 year old girls get hormonal. Thanks to some of the other moms on my Facebook page, at least I know I’m not alone.
Exhibit B: My own behavior
I’ve already written about how I no longer respond to the Evil Villain’s behavior charting anymore. That does not mean that I don’t pop off at home about it. And I think it’s all been leading to this growing angst about this situation with my son: this pending test to get into kindergarten, how high those stakes are, and how absurd it is to put a 5 year old kid (and his stressed-out mom) through this. I mean, I can’t even think of what will happen if he doesn’t do well. It makes me kind of physically ill. He’ll get eaten alive at a regular school. No one will support and nurture his love for science and the natural world. Dammit.
Moving on. I had a phone call recently with someone in the school about trying to set up support for the Dude. I don’t even know how to describe this phone call, other than a mixture of Who’s On First with Nurse Ratched from Cuckoo’s Nest (and I don’t even know which of us was the nurse). It was just a baffling, confusing, and frustrating phone call for both of us, and it really shouldn’t have been. I can’t even figure out why other than I’m just kind of over this stuff right now. Normally I’m a bit more coherent and delicate than that.
There was also a text exchange between a few of us moms, wondering if there would be free dress on Thursday, since it’s the day before spring break and most of the day will be parties and such. I replied first with something to the effect of no since the kids would enjoy it. A few moments later I went on a diatribe about they may indeed allow free dress but only if we all have to frantically run to the store the night before and find something in the shade of sea foam or lavender with at least one bunny on it. That then got me stewing in my own head about the lack of notice for school stuff and how it’s just impossible to plan with no notice and….
And I realized that damn, I was feeling and acting downright snarky. I really do love my kids’ school, minor bumps with the system aside, and do everything I can to volunteer and support it. But I am over it. I’m done with 2nd grade. I’m done with pre-K. I’m ready to move on. More than that, I’m ready for a break.
This is my normal face now. Angry snark face.